Monday, January 31, 2005

To the PEOPLE of Iraq

H. L. Mencken: The average man does not want to be free. He simply wants to be safe.

Edmund Burke: All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing.

Albert Einstein: The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.

Noam Chomsky: The most effective way to restrict democracy is to transfer decision-making from the public arena to unaccountable institutions: kings and princes, priestly castes, military juntas, party dictatorships, or modern corporations.

Frederick Douglass: Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand; it never has and it never will.

Samuel Adams: If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.

Yoda: Do, or do not. There is no try.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Life and Death

In Ottawa there were two news stories this week-one about life and one about death. The life one was about a woman with a rare genetic disorder. She was on experimental medication, which was just approved by health Canada. Now that these drugs are approved, she will have to pay for them. The cost is $25 000 per month. Our kind hearted liberal government won’t cover the cost, and said its up to the Drug Company to show mercy. Can you believe that! I thought we had Medicare in this country. I guess you only do if you don’t have an expensive illness!
The death story is about a man who has a terminal lung disease and wanted to die. He had to hire a lawyer, the police were involved, etc. He went out and had a big party with his friends and family, then went home and did the assisted suicide thing.
Seems strange, one person fighting to live, the other fighting to die…
Its too bad they couldn’t have gotten together before. She could have taken out a life insurance policy on him.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Court OKs masturbation at home

Court OKs masturbation at home

VANCOUVER (CP) - The Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that masturbating at home is not an offence, even if the activity can be seen by peeking neighbours after a BC man was charged.
John Russell, president of the B.C. Civil Liberties Association, said he was surprised the case got before the courts in the first place.
But he said he was relieved the ruling went the way it did.
"In fact, most Canadians are careful in those ways and it would appear that the poor man had just failed to take the formal precautions."

Errr...."formal" precautions? I didn't know there were "formal" precautions. Is there a government manual? Just think, all this time Canadians were masterbating on uncertain legal ground.
We might have legalised pot and gay marriage, but were still a nation of prudes.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Are Terrorists Vampires?

Vlad the Impaler, a.k.a. Dracula, was a knight in the Order of the Dragon-a secret fraternity created in 1387. He was sworn to uphold Christianity and defend the empire against the Islamic Turks. In 1461, He was outnumbered by Sultan Mehmed II's army. When the Sultan attacked, he was shocked at finding a virtual forest of impaled Turkish prisoners. When he saw this, he turned his army around and went home, saying, "how can we defeat men who would do such things?" Because of terrorist tactics like this he has been labled by history as a vampire.
Seems to me another group of people use these tactics. Maybe old Osama and friends are the undead! (That would explain why they don't mind doing suicide attacks.....)

Thursday, January 27, 2005

All Fagged Out….

Is it just me, or is any one else suffering from fag fatigue? That’s all that seems to be on the political and social agenda these days. Is it that important for gays to be able to say they are married? I don’t know of any who really want to use that straight term. I thought being gay was all about being different. You don’t see too many straight pride parades, and if you did, they would be boring as hell.
Maybe all this gay marriage stuff is a conspiracy by the straights to reign in the gay lifestyle. Next thing you know they will start voting conservative!
Another thing, do gay people know what happens after you get married? Say goodbye to sex! It just sloooows right down. How will you decide who sleeps on the couch?
If the definition is no longer one man and one woman, does it still have to be two people? Can I marry myself? What if I abuse myself and want a divorce? That restraining order would be tough...
Everyone will still have the same legal rights, no-one is losing any, so lets drop it, and get on with issues more important to getting hockey going!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Kidnapped “Pure Lain” Quebecois

My family has been in Quebec since 1661, landing in Montreal from France. When I was a kid, my parents divorced, and my English mother kidnapped me away from “La Belle Province”. Since then, I have lost my language and culture. I guess that makes me an inferior human being, as that’s what Quebec’s draconian laws and policies are in place to protect its people from.
Since being assimilated by the barbarian “rest of Canada”, I can barely understand the “elegant tongue”, I no longer enjoy drinking wine from the homeland, and I have strange ideas in my head about democracy, fair government, helping others.
I can now see why Quebec has these laws, to protect others from this horrendous fate that has befallen me. Perhaps the “Language Police” could form a new elite branch, to rescue other pour souls like me who have been “assimilated”. They could open a re-education center, where you are force fed wine and baguettes, and made to listen to Jacque Parizeau 24 hours a day.
Please come soon, I fear I could be beheaded any day now….

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I Am (also) Canadian

“I was a lumberjack, and am a fur trader.
I have slept in an igloo, eaten blubber, and although I don’t own a dog sled, I do have a ski-doo.
I do know Jimmy and Sally, Suzie is my ex, and they’re all assholes.
I have a crooked Prime Minister, not a President; I speak neither English or French properly; and
I don’t pronounce it “about” or “a boot”; I just say “bout”.
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack, because with the taxes I pay I live out of my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, not policing, even though we got rid of our peacekeepers to buy more police,
Diversity, not assimilation (unless I go to Quebec); and that the beaver tastes like chicken and makes a nice fur coat.
A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch (where I sleep), and it is pronounced ”Z”, not “zed” or “zee”.
Canada is the second highest taxed landmass, the first nation of bleeding hearts, and coldest part of North America.
My name is Joe, and I am also Canadian.”