Monday, February 28, 2005

Ottawa Approves New Dog Food=Kids!

Three pit bulls attack two-year-old Ottawa boy

" News Staff
The week before Ontario politicians are due to debate
a law that would ban pit bulls, three of the dogs attacked an Ottawa
Jayden Clairoux, 2, was heading home from day care with his dad
and two brothers on Thursday, when the dogs managed to jump a low fence
and attack.
Clairoux's father Guy quickly noticed, but it took his
frantic effort and the assistance of two neighbor's, to wrestle the
animals from the boy. The dog's owner, Shridev Cafe, has been slapped
with $30,000 in fines. It's not the first time he's gotten in trouble
with the dogs.
Just last month, they needed to be beaten off with a
stick when they attacked a four-year-old. He managed to escape the
incident with minor injuries.
The dogs' owner was fined $2,100 and ordered to keep the
animals muzzled and contained on his property.
Although the director of Ottawa's bylaw services, Susan Jones,
would like to see the dogs euthanized, under provincial legislation
that's not possible without a court order.
That means Cafe, who handed his pets over voluntarily,
could get his dogs back in just ten days."

Ooookay...maybe they're crippled by bureaucracy and regulations, or maybe they're just plain stupid. Maybe these "animal rights" types have become involved with public policy again. But "nothing we can do"? The same dogs that mauled another kid a few weeks ago. I'm sure there is something we can do. Something besides A FINE! Obviously a fine is ineffective as a deterrent. What about criminal charges? Was he not criminally negligent? If the local police would have charged this moron in the first place, the attack on little Jayden would have never happened. Come on guys! Do your job!

I like dogs just as much as the next guy, but kids are friends, not food!

Friday, February 25, 2005

How to Destroy the US in 3 Easy Steps...

It is very simple now that:

"Prime Minister Paul Martin announced Canada will not be participating in the U-S missile defence program.
In making his announcement, Martin said his Liberal government's priorities include secure borders, protecting sovereignty in the Arctic and improving the military. "

So now, all you have to do is this:

1-Declare war on Canada. This might be the hardest part, as Canada goes to great lengths to be friends with everybody (except, ironically, the US!).

2-Launch a massive nuclear strike on Canada. This will be very simple, as Canada has no retaliatory capabilities as well as no ballistic missile defence. Ensure you retain enough missiles to threaten the Americans with the "MAD" (mutually assured destruction) scenario to prevent retaliation (they probably wouldn't anyway-we haven't been too neighborly!)

3-Sit back and wait for the jetstream and general southerly windflow , as well as the Atlantic and pacific ocean currents, to deliver the fallout to the US. Ensure enough missiles strike the fault lines on the west coast to trigger the San Andreas fault. A hard strike in Ontario will also shut down much of the US power grid, and poison the great lakes basin water table.

And viola! The States, she's yours! Uhhh... no hard feelins Canada?

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Zeig Heil!

Most Canadians Think US Should Not Promote Democracy: Poll

More than three-quarters of Canadians believe the US should not try to promote democracy in other countries.
An Associated Press/Ipsos-Reid poll followed US President George Bush's January inaugural address that called for the U-S to work to end tyranny and promote democracy around the world.
Only 22 per cent of Canadians questioned thought it appropriate for the US to push democracy.

Well, I'm sure glad the Americans don't give a damn what we think! I wonder if Canadians felt that way during WW2? Or how 'bout during the cold war? I'm not that good with languages, I'd hate to have had to learn German or Russian...

Another part of the poll: results also found that only 18 per cent of Canadians thought American products are better than Canadian made ones.

Now, I know that most of you have been watching the CBC too much and have been told anything American is bad, but come on! Is your "Beaver 3000" computer better than my Intel? What about your ipod? Does the "cpod" have better sound? Your "Canuck 750" faster than my Harley?

Lets not allow prejudice to blind us. Their products are as good as ours (except for maybe Ski-doos, they kicks ass), and promoting democracy abroad is never a bad thing.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

The REAL Reason Behind Martin's Gay Marriage Legislation...

xoxoxo Posted by Hello

You heard it here first, folks! Looks like Martin is planning on accepting Bush's missile! (defence program).

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Prime Minister Under Alien Control!

A headline today reads: "Record Number of Canadian UFO Sightings"

Ufology Research of Manitoba says there were 882 recorded U-F-O sightings, up 31 per cent from the year before. (full report here)

An interesting fact to note is that 2004 saw an all-time record high number of sightings reported.

Now, remember this: PM's plane encounters UFO

Last March, Martin "encountered" a UFO...

Hmm...Before then, he was the man of the hour, the greatest thing since sliced bread. Now, he's "Mr Dithers". Martin is under alien control!

Kind of makes sense if you think about it. Now he wants same-sex (or inter-species?) marriage. And what about him backing out of BMD? His alien masters don't want anything shooting down their saucers as they infiltrate Canada...Especially after the US says: "We can't rule out attacking enemy spacecraft in the future"

The truth is out there...

Monday, February 21, 2005

Same-sex NO! Pedophilia...OK!

Famous Players has pulled ads from their theatres that supports same-sex marriage. The company says their employees have received several threats. The Canadian Family Action Coalition says customers should continue to boycott the theatre chain until anti-same-sex marriage ads air in their theatres

Yeah, this “Family Action Coalition” has no problem with me sitting down and enjoying a nice film about child molestation (The Woodsman), however is offended if I watch an advertisement about an issue between consenting adults before the film starts. Go figure.

Talking about “The Woodsman”, what’s the deal with that? Are they trying to prepare us for the next “rights” issue - “age of consent”?

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Don't Worry - Be Happy!!!!

A recent study (full story) revealed that taking a certain class of anti depressants (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs) double the risk of suicide attempts among patients.

So lets get this take them so you don't feel depressed. But they make you want to kill yourself. I guess thats OK because at least you'll feel good about your suicide!

In another part of the study, according to IMS Health (a health information company) there were 15.7 million prescriptions for SSRIs dispensed in Canada in 2003.
If you think that sounds like alot...IT IS! There are only 30 million people in Canada!

That may explain why Canadians don't seem to mind bad government...or maybe explains how the ones that do handle it!

Friday, February 18, 2005

Free Drugs! (unless you're sick)

Carolyn Auger, the Ottawa woman suffering from the fatal disorder Fabry's Disease, was again refused the lifesaving drug Fabrazyme by Ontario's Health Minister George Smitherman. Ms Auger claims she will be dead within a year without this lifesaving drug.


In Vancouver, Health Canada approved free pharmaceutical-grade heroin to be distributed to addicts at the Downtown Eastside clinic over the next12 to 15 months.

Hey I know...Ms Auger should start shooting heroin, then she might get the help she needs.

Back in Toronto... NDP leader Jack Layton underwent an emergency appendectomy Sunday night in a Toronto hospital.

Congratulations to Laughing Jack, the first Canadian political leader to use the Canadian health care system!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Marriage Debate-Canadians Choose Polygamy

In response to the first day of parliamentary debate on the same sex marriage issue, we have closed the poll on readers preference regarding the new definition of marriage.

21% of respondents agreed with the new legislation, and think the definition should be changed from a man and a woman to two people.

34% of respondents prefer the traditional definition.

The majority, 45%, would like to see the definition changed to more than two people, as long as a pet could be included in the definition.

So it looks like the majority of readers prefer polygamy and bestiality. What does that say about Canada? Nothing. I just says that the majority of readers are sick puppies!

Make sure you vote on the latest poll, regarding former Prime Minister Joe Clark's "devil you know" remark.

And on to hockey...well, the fat lady has sung. The season is officially cancelled. Remember where you heard it first! (Although it didn't take a rocket scientist to predict that one)

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Public Service Announcement 2

The abortion rate in Canada is down approximately ten percent from 1997.There were 105,154 abortions in Canada in 2002, the latest year for which figures are available. This is down from approximately 112,000 in 1997.
Abortion providers are in real danger of losing their jobs, and may be forced on to the street if this trend continues.
Please, have an abortion if you haven’t already, and encourage your friends and family to do so as well. Together, we can reverse this trend. If we all just have one abortion, we can ensure a bright future for all abortion providers in Canada.
Cross posted on "The Untrue North"

Monday, February 14, 2005

This Site Banned by the Feds!

A reader sent me an e-mail this weekend:

"Hey .. I used to read your blog at work ... now our content
protectionfirewall has blocked it ... under the category "Tasteless" ... you
must begiving it to the Man!~ "

Well, I must say I'm proud of this milestone. It's not just any blog that gets censored by the Feds.
We try very hard here at IAM(also)CANADIAN, and feel very special that we are able to make the Federal Liberal government believe we are "tasteless". After all, these are the people that brought you Adscam, HRDC billion dollar boondoggles, Immigration scams, Shawinigate, EI fund rip off, Billion dollar gun registries, the Governor Generals "Northern Tour", Challenger jet fiasco, military underfunding, Bombardier bailouts, tainted blood scandal, broken promises, countless corruption, theft, and fraud investigations...(just off the top of my head.)

Talk about tasteless!

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Six Years for Gay Bashing

Tuesday, February 8, 2005
A Vancouver man will spend six years in prison for helping beat a gay man to death in Stanley Park in 2001.
Twenty-three-year-old Ryan Cran was convicted of manslaughter in December.
The judge says the gang attack was "cowardly and terrifying," adding Cran must pay for it with a long sentence.

Uhhh.....excuse me? 6 years? A long sentence? Or did you mean your "saying" that the gang attack was cowardly was using a long sentence? Cause you couldn't have meant that 6 years was a long sentence!

Friday, February 11, 2005

Good Bye, Sniff...

The Only NHL This Year! Posted by Hello

looks like this is it:

In a desperate attempt to save the 2004-05 season, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman visited Toronto yesterday to make a compromise proposal that was quickly rejected by NHL Players' Association boss Bob Goodenow.

But that's OK because:

Almost 40% of the NHL's Canadian fan base said they don't miss the pro game.

Na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, gooodbye!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Sex in the News

Parents in New Brunswick are complaining about the new sex education curriculum the school board wants to implement. They claim it is too graphic, and is like a how to manual.
They say some of the subjects like oral and anal sex should be taught at home.
(Errr.. I know you easterners like to keep it in the family, but...)

NDPers take on Layton
A group of New Democrat MPs is taking on leader Jack Layton for "whipping" them to vote the party line on same-sex marriage and demanding that he drop the order.
(Wow, you have the words "Layton", "whipping", and "same-sex all in the same sentence!)

Deputy Prime Minister Anne McLellan launched a website to fight the spread of child pornography, but had a few translation problems:
The name of the French home page translated as the "Man Page".
In English, it tells readers about "Guys who are aware." The French version translated that as: "Testicles in the know."
(The strangest thing is the cost-$3.5 million for the site. What's the budget for your site?)

Poll: Canadians are dull in bed
88% of Canucks admit it in poll
A recent poll by the makers of K-Y products revealed 88% of Canadians rate themselves as mediocre lovers, whereas only 12% of Canadians said they deserve an A+ for their performance between the sheets.
(What does that tell you-12% of Canadians are full of shit!)

And finally...enough with the Cretien balls already. Those aren't Cretien's balls; they're MY balls. I paid for them. Now, what would happen to YOUR Uncle Jean if he was caught playing with your balls...

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Public Service Announcement

Canada's Disaster Assistance Response Team, or DART, will begin returning home from tsunami-ravaged Sri Lanka next Monday. Anyone who could give them a lift, or who is interested in ride sharing, please call Defence minister Bill Graham at 613-992-4581.
Cross posted on "The Untrue North"

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Trailer Park Boys, Liberal Style!

Conservative MP Tom Lukiwski told the Commons Friday that because of recent events like favors for strippers, taxpayer subsidized tattoos for convicts and decriminalization of marijuana "The federal Liberals are the Trailer Park Boys of Ottawa,"
He added "And to think, most Canadians believe that Bubbles, Ricky, Julian and the rest of the gang reside in the Sunnyvale trailer park in Nova Scotia when they are really alive and well here in Ottawa sitting on the government side of the House."

Now that he mentions it, Paul Martin does kind of remind me of Bubbles…

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Americans, Avert Your Eyes!

Black Sunrise Posted by Hello

First Anniversary of the Janet Jackson Affair

What’s the deal with those Americans? Can you believe there were half million complaints against CBS, MTV, and their parent company Viacom, after Janet Jackson had her breast exposed at Super Bowl XXXVIII?

So let me get this straight…. US kids will become traumatized from seeing a breast. Well, I guess they should ban breastfeeding then. Some of those kids suck with their eyes open. Think of the psychological damage being inflicted on all those innocent children! Maybe the mothers could blindfold them…

I’m very surprised that parents think seeing breasts has such an effect on kids. They don’t seem to mind the constant violence, death, and bloodshed these kids watch daily. Man that’s a warped way of thinking. Nudity=bad, violence=ok!

I remember watching one of these caught on tape shows. On one of the tapes they showed a killer whale trainer getting mauled by one of the whales. The thing grabbed her by the leg, horribly mutilating it. Blood everywhere. They showed the whole thing, every detail of it except when her bikini bottom slipped down. Guess where they put a black circle?

Now, we Canadians might be going a little overboard with all the softcore (and sometimes hardcore) porn shown on regular TV at all hours of the day, but I think this is an area where the US could learn something from us! I’m not trying to tell them "make love not war", but why not a little love with the war?

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Canada Number 2 Pot Supplier to USA

Posted by Hello

Canada Number 2 Pot Supplier to USA
Josh Pringle
Tuesday, February 1, 2005 .

A report says seizures of Canadian-grown marijuana by American authorities have increased 259 per cent since 2001.

Hmmmm I wonder if it has anything to do with another event in 2001:

July 2001, Canada adopts the Marijuana Medical Access Regulations. This regulatory framework makes Canada the first country in the world to adopt a system regulating the medicinal use of marijuana.

Followed by:

May 2003 sees the first introduction of a bill to change Canada's marijuana laws by the federal Liberal government. Then Justice Minister, Martin Cauchon, introduces Bill C-38 to decriminalize the possession of small amounts of marijuana.
Bill C-17 is the latest bill, introduced by the federal government, to propose decriminalizing the possession of marijuana. Justice Minister Irwin Cotler is sponsoring the bill. Bill C-17 is virtually identical to Bill C-38.

I wonder if that's just a coincidence? What's the deal with these dumbasses thinking their pot will be ok with the Americans when they cross the border? Can you see them telling the border guard "You can't arrest me! I have a prescription for that weed!".

In a couple of years, while you and your multiple spouses are reading kiddy porn and smoking a joint, you will think back on the dark ages we used to live in and say "Thank God for the Liberals!".

Friday, February 04, 2005

Is Multiculturalism Racist?

Is Canada’s multiculturalism a racist policy? Why don’t we encourage immigrants to this country to be Canadian? Are they not good enough to join the club? Or is there no club to join. Is there no Canadian culture? Maybe Canadians think they don’t have a culture. We’ve been brainwashed by the CBC: as Canadians, we like hockey… and were definitely NOT American! (Ok, so they are right about the hockey).

Immigrants come here saying "I want to be Canadian, this is a great country!" we reply "Er…no, no, that’s ok, why don’t you just hang on to your own culture. Here, we have a nice ghetto for you to live in…you wont even have to speak English!"

In the states they fought for years against segregation, here we encourage it. We just call it a politically correct name.

Why don’t we let these newcomers tell us what it means to them to be Canadian? Let’s let them into the club!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Canadian Suicide Attack!

Canada Attacks! Posted by Hello

15 hurt after Cdn.-made jet crashes in New Jersey
Associated Press
TETERBORO, New Jersey — A corporate jet hurtled off the end of a runway Wednesday, speeding across a highway and slamming into a warehouse.
About 15 people were injured, one critically, but nobody was killed, officials said.
Video from television station helicopters showed wheel tracks, plainly visible in snow, that ran straight off the end of the runway, through a fence and a snow bank and then across six-lane U.S. 46.
The aircraft was identified as a twin-engine Canadair Challenger 600.
A similar plane, a Canadair CL-601 Challenger, crashed in December while trying to take off from Montrose, Colo., killing a son of NBC Sports chairman Dick Ebersol and two others.

See, we don’t need suicide pilots…we just sell airplanes to whatever country we want to attack and they crash by themselves!
I guess that’s what happens when you use taxpayers money to artificially prop up a company because it is in Quebec and has major Liberal ties….
Since 1982, Bombardier and its subsidiaries have received $36-million in grants and $736-million in repayable contributions – for a grand total of $772-million. These amounts do not include financing provided through Export Development Canada, another $6.5-BILLION.
Why bother with product quality?

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

A Great Day for Gay!

Engaged! Posted by Hello

Well, the Liberals finally tabled their same sex marriage bill. Tink and Spongebob can finally set a wedding date!They say priests won't be forced to perform these weddings. Yeah, right! That will be the next court case. Now, can we please move on to other things?!?! Like...

I found a solution to the hockey strike. The players agree to a salary cap and the Feds top up anything over that cap. They should be able to do this now that they don't have to pay adscam any more. If they need more cash they can scrap the gun registry. If you are using a gun illegally, in return for topping up the players salary, the team owners will send the team enforcer over to your house and feed you some lumber!

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Quebecers are Pussies!

In the paper this week:

McLellan tears down western separatists
CALGARY (CP) - Deputy Prime Minister Anne McLellan doesn't believe the latest attempt to raise a western separatist movement will go far.

And the Liberals are right. Why? Because Canada is like a house full of pets. The provinces and territories are like dogs. The Feds know they can starve them, kick them, work them to the bone, etc., and Fido will still eagerly lick their hand and fetch their slippers.

Quebec on the other hand is like a cat. The more the Feds try to appease it, the more they give to it, the more they pay attention to it, the more it ignores them. And if a door is left open, bye-bye kitty!

So they’ll throw those westerners a bone to keep them from whining too much, as they snuggle with fluffy.

On the subject of cats…..I saw a segment on the show "Daily Planet" in which it was discovered that a parasite infects mice and makes the rodents irresistably attracted to cats. The cat then eats the mouse, thus completing the parasites lifecycle inside the feline. Maybe this parasite also infects humans, and that is what makes them "cat lovers".

Is owning a cat a disease? Maybe cat food is covered by health insurance.