Kidnapped “Pure Lain” Quebecois

My family has been in Quebec since 1661, landing in Montreal from France. When I was a kid, my parents divorced, and my English mother kidnapped me away from “La Belle Province”. Since then, I have lost my language and culture. I guess that makes me an inferior human being, as that’s what Quebec’s draconian laws and policies are in place to protect its people from.
Since being assimilated by the barbarian “rest of Canada”, I can barely understand the “elegant tongue”, I no longer enjoy drinking wine from the homeland, and I have strange ideas in my head about democracy, fair government, helping others.
I can now see why Quebec has these laws, to protect others from this horrendous fate that has befallen me. Perhaps the “Language Police” could form a new elite branch, to rescue other pour souls like me who have been “assimilated”. They could open a re-education center, where you are force fed wine and baguettes, and made to listen to Jacque Parizeau 24 hours a day.
Please come soon, I fear I could be beheaded any day now….