Sunday, March 27, 2005

A Non Offensive PC Easter

Here is the Easter story written to be politically correct, and inclusive to all cultures and races.

There was once a pink rabbit called the Easter Bunny, who had a large following of non gender specific individuals. These "followers" followed the Easter Bunny wherever it went. It would tell the persons following of stories and impart wisdom upon them. They believed the Easter Bunny was sent to earth from another place, possibly by Santa Clause.

One Thursday the Easter Bunny and 12 of his non gender specific friends got together for a vegetarian meal. At this meal, EB announced that he had foreseen his execution. His friends were worried, but EB told them not to be afraid, that Santa would look out for them. That night, EB was taken by angry white males.

The following day, EB was sentenced to be crucified. After being tortured and forced to bear a heavy cross to the place of execution, EB was nailed to the cross. As the soldiers nailed EB to the cross they heard the bunny say "Please Santa, forgive them for they know not what they do". When EB knew it was about to die, the bunny said: "Santa, into your hands I commit my atomic particles."

The body of the Easter Bunny had to be removed from the cross and buried before the following day. On Sunday morning, the first day of the week, some of the friends went to look at the tomb. They found it empty, with the stone rolled away! They also saw two tooth fairies in white, seated where EB's body had been. The friend then turned around and saw EB standing there! The Easter Bunny had returned from the dead!

They then went to see the other followers. They were startled and frightened, thinking they had seen a ghost. EB said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my paws. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have. Here, have some chocolate!"

After this, the non-gender specific followers spread the good news all around the world that, from then on, every Easter time the Easter Bunny would bring chocolate to both good and morally challenged boys, girls and transgendered.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a rabbit, I find this very offensive. It is also racist of you to specify the colour of the rabbit in the story (pink).
There will be no chocolates for you, and I will kick your sorry ass if I see you.

The Easter Bunny

12:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"That night, EB was taken by angry white males."

I call HATE on that! Even if it is historically accurate in the context of the Easter Bunny fable :D


11:43 AM  
Blogger alsocanadian said...

Les, you should know that "non offensive, politically correct, and inclusive" does not include white males!

11:56 AM  
Blogger anon12341234 said...

Forgive them santa for they know not what they do.... so funny

12:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It does if they're angry homosexual white males! ;)

3:33 PM  
Blogger Darcey said...

Love it! Keep up the sickiness

6:02 PM  
Blogger alsocanadian said...

Thanks Darcy & volterwd. It takes allot of work being sick ;)

The real sick part is my story would be allowed in schools, the real one wouldn't!

Hey Anonymous, If they were homosexual, would they be angry?

10:01 PM  
Blogger Snowy said...

You forgot the part about the 50,000 pieces of gold that the the white male traitor got for betraying the Easter Bunny to other white males.

10:33 PM  
Blogger alsocanadian said...

The Easter Bunny got payback by clogging the white male traitor's decendents arteries using cheap Easter chocolate!

I left that part out because I didn't want to offend any traitors. We have been getting alot of American ones up here recently...

11:04 PM  
Blogger Mark said...


10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two minor Easter bunnies came home to their burrow after helping the Big Kahuna EB deliver Easter eggs. They were a mess! One's fluffy cottontail had been scratched and nibbled off and the other's ears had been chewed off. The one says:"My butt hurts!" And the other one says: WHAT??" may they rest for another year. MandT.

7:29 PM  
Blogger alsocanadian said...

Oh, I get it - they were chocolate bunnies. Took me a minute.

12:24 PM  

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