Thursday, June 16, 2005

You Might Be A Jedi CANADIAN If...(the “alsocanadian” version)

-You are still in the queue for your cyborg hand.
-You keep voting for the evil emperor because "it's better the devil you know".
-Due to budget cuts, your army now consists of Jar Jar Binks and 3 thermal detonators.
-Chewbacca and Han Solo are legally married.
-You got arrested because you forgot to register your light saber.
-You don't have to worry about Jabba the Hut because he died of mad cow disease.
-You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with you, eh."
-You have ever used the force to influence hockey games.
-The majority of your fellow Jedi vote "dark side" (especially the Ontario and Toronto ones).
-You think the ice world of Hoth "ain't so cold".
-You can't actually use you light saber because it has to have a saber lock on it at all times and be locked inside a saber safe with the light in a separate locked receptacle.
-All your spacecraft have all been grounded due to the KYOTO agreement.
-You were refused a position on the Jedi council because weren't fluently bilingual.
-Your Ewoks build dams.
-You believe the Death Star is only destroying planets because of its history of poverty, and if you are nice to it, it will go away.
-All pod racing advertising contracts went to friends of the Emperor.
-You have used your lightsaber as a source of heat.
-You have used your lightsaber to cut the blocks of ice for your igloo.
-You have sliced open a moose to escape the harsh cold of the averageCanadian winter.
-Your lightsaber has a bottle opener on it.
-The storm troopers raiding your home and place of business wear a red serge.

Feel free to add your own observations on Jedi Canadians in the comments!

53 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Princess Leah crossed the floor and joined the dark side!
JP

1:08 PM  
Blogger Les Mackenzie said...

-Due to budget cuts, your army now consists of Jar Jar Binks and 3 thermal detonators.

Too funny AC!

I cannot top these :D

1:38 PM  
Blogger Cyrano said...

You might be a Canadian (Sith/Jedi) ....

Sith if ... your collective personal identity can be summarized as "not a member of the Galactic Republic".

Sith if ... you enjoy the economic benefits of doing business with Coruscant, but decry their warmongering ways and often refer to Coruscant as "Jedi-land".

Jedi if ... you decide to never use the Force in public because some people don't believe in the Force and you don't want to risk offending their unbelief.


And for the other "You might be a redneck Jedi if ..."

... you think of Yoda as 'the other green meat'. (I probably heard this one somewhere)

More later ....

3:05 PM  
Blogger alsocanadian said...

LOL, good stuff C- Rano!

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Great post!

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Blogger Linda said...

Thank you for the best laugh I've had all day!

7:45 PM  
Blogger Cyrano said...

You might be a Canadian Jedi (YMBACJ) if ... you cheer for the dark side in order to 'bring balance' to the Force.

YMBAC Jedi if ... you see your role primarily as a peacekeeper between warring, morally equivalent, factions.

YMBAC Jedi if ... you've ever picked up an OEM equivalent light saber from Canadian Tire.

YMBAC Jedi if ... you 'pimp' your light saber with Canadian Tire chrome replacement parts (okay, the last two were kinda the same).

YMBAC Jedi if ... you find yourself succumbing to Darth Martin's jedi mind tricks ("You don't want to look into the sponsorship scandal", "I don't want to look into the sponsorship scandal"; "You don't want an election right now", "I don't want an election right now"; "Harper is scary ...").

YMBAC Jedi if ... you find yourself wishing the government bureaucracy was even bigger, so it could respond to more of its citizens' 'needs'.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Shaken said...

Your Death Star garbage ends up in Michigan.

11:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best laughs I've had all day. Thanks, I needed them.

Are you sure you're not drawing a little blood there, eh?

12:32 AM  
Blogger G. F. McDowell said...

... If the Wookiees insist they are a "distinct society" and insist on forcing their impossible language on everyone else.

... If "the tighter you close your fist, the more will slip through your fingers"... to cheap gasoline and milk south of the Border.

... If the "kessel run" turns out to be a "Vancouver run".

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