Thursday, August 11, 2005

France’s Secret North American Invasion Plot Exposed!

This secret memo was leaked to our international affairs expert "Tom" this morning. It appears France has secret plans in place to invade North America…by taking over Canada! Here’s the memo:

Top Secret

Mr. President:

Our agents have been intercepting messages from Paris indicating a plot outlining the invasion of North America.

It appears that after attaining a foothold in the northeastern part of the continent, (called "Quebec"), France has been able to infiltrate the country of "Canada" (the large country immediately to the north of us). Right under our noses, the French have been installing "puppet" (people under the control of France) Prime Ministers for the last 40 or so years.

Under the reign of these "Prime Ministers", the country of "Canada" has become "Francanised" (made French-like). They have installed "sleeper agents" (agents pretending to do the job, but waiting for orders from France) into all of the senior positions of the public service, military, and propaganda department (known as the "Canadian Broadcasting Corporation" or "CBC"), by instating an "official Bilingualism" (all applicants must be French) policy.

The France-controlled "puppet" government, AKA (also known as) the "Liberals" (no, seriously, that’s what they are called!), appear to have the majority of the "Canadian" (people of "Canada") population completely "brainwashed" (under their complete control). Anyone dissenting (refusing to go along with) from the Francanisation are ostracized (made to look like ostriches) and labeled "red neck" (i.e. Texan), "neo-con" (i.e. Republican), "Westerners" (people from the western part of "Canada"), "Neanderthal" (cave man), etc., etc.

In a final stroke before the invasion, the puppet Prime Minister has announced the new "Governor General" (the "head of state" or "big boss") is to be "Madame Jean", a French dual citizen (holds citizenship from France and Canada) from the propaganda department (CBC). This position is not only the "head of state", but also the "commander in chief" of the Canadian armed forces (like you are of the US military).

When this new "Governor General" takes power (September 27th , 2005) it is believed she will direct the Canadian military to assault the border, backed by French troops.

Recommendations: 1- Invade Afghanistan,
2- Invade Iraq,
3- Impose sanctions against Cuba

End of report.

"Everyone’s been led to believe the invasion of Iraq was for oil", says Tom, also an "Iraq invasion" expert, "but, like I’ve been saying all along, it’s due to the Canadian threat."

7 Comments:

Anonymous Civitatensis said...

And don't forget the Haitian angle. Unless she has formally resigned to her citizenship in the Haitian Republic (and to my knowledge she has not), she remains a citizen there, whether she claims it or not.

Considering that Haiti is the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, and since extreme poverty has been unquestionably established as the central reason for terrorism to exists, there must also be concerns that she might be a terrorist agent.

Given her French citizenship and taking into account what happened to the Rainbow Warrior, she should not be allowed anywhere near the St. Lawrence seaway.

11:22 AM  
Blogger alsocanadian said...

Hey, Civi, good point! The Governor General's residence is right beside the Rideau Canal. My God! She could destroy every passing ship!

11:28 AM  
Blogger 49erDweet said...

Pipe down, you guys. Publishing your information may interfere with the rest of the plan.

4. All three soldiers comprising (forming) the rest of today's Canadian army, ably assisted by the remaining 300 French soldiers who have actually ever seen an evil gun, commence invading North Dakota from Cartwright, Manitoba, straight down provincial highway 5. They are cleverly disguised as three truck-trailer loads of beef, on the hoof.
5. After rolling undetected through Hansboro, ND, the stealthy invastion force runs afoul of a sleepy deputy sheriff in Rock Lake, ND, due to inattentiveness. All three big rigs blow right through the village's only stop sign.
6. Taken "forth with" to the local magistrate, the French force temporarily overpowers the Canadian army, and makes arrangements to surrender.
7. The new GG, reacting to her French citizenship, then surrenders Quebec and all other nearby lands whose citizens really don't care, anyway, to the evil Bushitler.
8. The evil Bushitler annexs British Columbia to Alaska, and moves the capitol to Vancouver. He annexes Alberta to Montana, and moves the capitol to Calgary. Not wanting to have to again change the number of stars on the flag, he changes the name of the rest of the territory to Northern Rock Lake, and arranges for Austalia to administer it as an under-developed territory. Australia now has a site for their new penal colony.
9. All of the incumbent liberal politians remaining in Northern Rock Lake are taken into custody and given the option of going to Gitmo or Haiti. Foolishly, all but the GG choose Haiti.
10. The following day life on the plains returns to normal.

5:14 PM  
Blogger alsocanadian said...

"Foolishly, all but the GG choose Haiti."

Sick, sick, sick, 49er. I love it!

10:51 PM  
Anonymous Meg Q said...

I'm afraid I'm rather late to the party, but as an American married to a Canadian and living in Edmonton, and as a Texan who grew up with the President's top media advisor (no kidding - we had a joint Confirmation party), I volunteer to send a memo to my contact after the "invasion" begins to fold, recommending "commonwealth" status within the U.S. (same status as Guam or Puerto Rico) for B.C., Alta, Sask, and Manitoba, or giving those provinces plus NWT option to form own country. Provinces east are put under the control of Newfoundland, which is the name of the new country. French to be supressed by any means necessary, Ottawa razed and sown with salt, country governed from St. John's. Mandatory draft for peacekeeping forces.

Heh heh heh. That would be something. As would the Libs choosing Haiti over Gitmo (love that!). But the reality is still stranger than any fiction. As P.J. O'Rourke's said about other things, you'd be drummed out of the Subtle Fiction Writers League for making any of the real story up.

7:21 AM  
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3:15 AM  
Anonymous afrogshop said...

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8:32 AM  

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