Oh Not-America
Johnny Pockets of Gods and Artists put this as a comment on our Paul Martin Mole post. We reproduce here the new Canadian Anthem!
Oh Not-America (calling it "Canada" could offend those who have arrived from other countries. It is important that they maintain their culture, language, and anything else that helps to identify them as a visible or otherwise excepted minority. Since, if we are anything, we are most definitely not American, I've gone with the country-neutral "Not-America.")
Our home and co-opted through devious and treacherous means land (previously addressed.)
True patriot LOVE (I think it should be capitalized, since Paul Martin has made it clear that love for one's country is the utmost value qualifying one as PM) in all of us command (I took this one from you. Now, it's not exactly grammatically correct...nor even all that sensical...but I don't want to take too much liberty with this new song that we are co-creating.)
With joyful hearts (I wanted to take out "glowing" because "glowing" implies light. Now, we all know that inner organs are not actually a light source. Therefore, this is probably some kind of religious reference, since god is often described as being "the light". Anyway, just to be accurate, I think we should refer to those hearts being happy, not incandescent.) we see nice thighs (here, the correct lyrics were "we see thee rise". But who is it we see rising? The flag? It talks in the line right after about "The True North" so that's not entirely specific. Figuring that it was very likely code of some kind, I ran "The True North" through an anagram server. Rearranged, the letters spell ENTER HOT HURT, a clear reference to Hell. As I suspected, this is a religious reference of some kind; thus, "thee rise" is likely a reference to the "rising" of J.C. and should go. I went with the "thighs" part cuz it rhymed so nice.)
Our country strong and beholden to special interest groups (Two things here...first, the Hell part had to go. Second, we're not actually "free", we're quite accustomed to focussing energy and solutions on the special interest groups...so let's call a spade a spade, eh?)
From far away (Really, we're all from far away, except the First Nations people, and they're also from far away, but won't admit it. And, uh, "far and wide"? What's that, some kind of fat joke? Gotta go.)
Oh Not-America, we linger about (Stand? No, no. That's a word those evil Conservatives use.) quite unprepared to kill but certainly willing to hand juice boxes to kids in third-world nations for thee (back to not wanting to suggest that our military is...uhh...militaristic.)
We presently occupy this land (not really fair to call it "our" land, since it really belongs to Aboriginals...and "keep" just implies forcing ourselves upon them) fairly nice and expensive (I'm loathe to use "glorious". We're just not gloaters. And "free"? Please. I've seen the taxes I pay. This land is not "free".)
Oh, Not-America, we linger about quite unprepared to kill but certainly willing to hand juice boxes to kids in third-world nations for you (I think I want to take out the "thee". I mean, it's so old-English. And they were a pretty religious bunch. I mean, remember learning about the crusades? Shit, those Christians unleashed some nasty stuff on those poor peace-loving Muslims.)
Oh, Not-America, we linger about quite unprepared to kill but certainly willing to hand juice boxes to kids in third-world nations for you
Oh Not-America (calling it "Canada" could offend those who have arrived from other countries. It is important that they maintain their culture, language, and anything else that helps to identify them as a visible or otherwise excepted minority. Since, if we are anything, we are most definitely not American, I've gone with the country-neutral "Not-America.")
Our home and co-opted through devious and treacherous means land (previously addressed.)
True patriot LOVE (I think it should be capitalized, since Paul Martin has made it clear that love for one's country is the utmost value qualifying one as PM) in all of us command (I took this one from you. Now, it's not exactly grammatically correct...nor even all that sensical...but I don't want to take too much liberty with this new song that we are co-creating.)
With joyful hearts (I wanted to take out "glowing" because "glowing" implies light. Now, we all know that inner organs are not actually a light source. Therefore, this is probably some kind of religious reference, since god is often described as being "the light". Anyway, just to be accurate, I think we should refer to those hearts being happy, not incandescent.) we see nice thighs (here, the correct lyrics were "we see thee rise". But who is it we see rising? The flag? It talks in the line right after about "The True North" so that's not entirely specific. Figuring that it was very likely code of some kind, I ran "The True North" through an anagram server. Rearranged, the letters spell ENTER HOT HURT, a clear reference to Hell. As I suspected, this is a religious reference of some kind; thus, "thee rise" is likely a reference to the "rising" of J.C. and should go. I went with the "thighs" part cuz it rhymed so nice.)
Our country strong and beholden to special interest groups (Two things here...first, the Hell part had to go. Second, we're not actually "free", we're quite accustomed to focussing energy and solutions on the special interest groups...so let's call a spade a spade, eh?)
From far away (Really, we're all from far away, except the First Nations people, and they're also from far away, but won't admit it. And, uh, "far and wide"? What's that, some kind of fat joke? Gotta go.)
Oh Not-America, we linger about (Stand? No, no. That's a word those evil Conservatives use.) quite unprepared to kill but certainly willing to hand juice boxes to kids in third-world nations for thee (back to not wanting to suggest that our military is...uhh...militaristic.)
We presently occupy this land (not really fair to call it "our" land, since it really belongs to Aboriginals...and "keep" just implies forcing ourselves upon them) fairly nice and expensive (I'm loathe to use "glorious". We're just not gloaters. And "free"? Please. I've seen the taxes I pay. This land is not "free".)
Oh, Not-America, we linger about quite unprepared to kill but certainly willing to hand juice boxes to kids in third-world nations for you (I think I want to take out the "thee". I mean, it's so old-English. And they were a pretty religious bunch. I mean, remember learning about the crusades? Shit, those Christians unleashed some nasty stuff on those poor peace-loving Muslims.)
Oh, Not-America, we linger about quite unprepared to kill but certainly willing to hand juice boxes to kids in third-world nations for you
posted by pale at 10:10 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home