Why the Liberals Hate Alberta: A Canada Day Essay

This is an excerpt from one of the essays Mitchieville has received for their Canada Day competition. It is from a Liberal supporter on the evils of Alberta:

The first evil Christian heteronormative earth-rapists came into the area of Alberta in 1522, spreading disease and stealing valuable artifacts that could prove the land claims of the indigenous Carib, Mohican, and Winnebago. After centuries of ethnic cleansing and air bombardment, the indigenous tribes were made extinct. The evil ones then began to systematically clearcut the lush forests of Alberta, which caused global warming and melted all of the glaciers in Alberta. The seals all died, too. Alberta is now a major cog in the evil plan of large American corporations to destroy the ecosystem of the earth with carbon emissions. Alberta provides a large number of sailors for the whaling fleet, and manufactures specialty clubs for seal killers. When they are home on leave, the brutal sailors of Alberta make a sport of gay bashing, driving gas guzzling SUV’s, and spitting tobacco juice into vegetarian buffets.

Go see the rest of the insanity at Canada Day in Mitchieville!