Wednesday, August 31, 2005

A Friend In Need, Help Katrina Victims

From the pen of "Expert" Tom...

Ok, So I was a bastard for that last post, but in my defense, you can see in the pic that I made that picture before Katrina hit. If I had known what a huge disaster it would turn out to be and how many people would lose their lives, homes, and sanity, I might have thought twice about it.

In order to make up for my bastardlyness, I'll donate what I can. If any of you found that last post funny, then, to ease your guilt, you can donate too...

Dontate to the Red Cross

h/t to Brent at Colbert's Comments for the button link.

Like Brent, I will also link to Instapundit for more info and links on how to help out.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Harpers Not Scary #15

Monday, August 29, 2005

Liberals Spend $103 000 To Find Out...Nothing Important

From the Pen of expert Tom...

I was reading the National Post today and came across this article. Basically it outlines how the Liberal Government spent $103 000 asking people, including a large number of Americans, if they thought Canada was a haven for terrorists. As a poll interpretations expert, I can only discern two things from this poll. One, that Canadians have no clue as to actual facts but have a sneaking suspicions that Canada does contain some nasty people bent on terror, and two, that Americans couldn't pick out Canada on a map, let alone know if we harbor any terrorists. The Post agrees with me on these points but puts it a little more diplomatically.
Contrary to claims by U.S. politicians and media commentators, Americans don't regard Canada as a safe haven for terrorists, a new federal study suggests. Some Canadians, however, erroneously believe that the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorists entered the United States through Canada.

Other than pointing out that "informed" Americans don't blame us for Sept. 11 or think we harbor terrorists, what does this $103 000 survey actually do to help protect us and prepare us for emergencies? Ya, I'm not sure either, but this money came directly from Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness Canada. Does anyone else think that this money could have been better spent on... well just about anything else? Are the Liberals and/or the Federal bureaucracy so out of touch with Canadians that they feel the only way to solve a problem is by polling people to see if they blame them for the problem in the first place? Will they continue to waste more money on this? You bet!

Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness Canada undertook the research as a pilot project and is considering whether to conduct a broader survey, said spokeswoman Zuwena Robidas.

I would imagine that most Canadians would think this poll was a waste of money and get upset but I'm sure that the Liberals have already commissioned another poll that suggests most Canadians just don't care anymore.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Gone Fishin

No...really! Gone to New Brunswick fer some clam diggin, lobster trappin, and surf fishin. But don't you worry! My replacement expert "Tom" has been volunteered to keep the propag...I mean quality blog publishing flowing like sludge in the septic tank.

See ya in a week er two,


Harper's Not Scary #14

Thursday, August 25, 2005

And So It Begins...

Check out this Blue Blogging Soapbox post showing the awesome new CPC (pre-election?) ad. Now, check out the alsocanadian version...

Notice how the dark shadow has blanketed most of Ontario, Quebec, and the eastern provinces - help stop this menace before all of Canada is covered!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

He Thought He Was In The Gaza...

Man Charged With Drunken Bulldozer Ride

THOMPSON, Ohio - A man was drunk when he tried to run down two law enforcement officers while driving a 10-ton bulldozer, authorities said.

Officers eventually persuaded the Thompson Township man to stop the vehicle. Armstrong's blood-alcohol level was .244 percent, more than three times the legal limit of 0.08, according to sheriff's tests.

"I'm glad talking worked, because I don't know how else we would have stopped him," said Sheriff Dan McClelland.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

A New Conservative Powerbase?

Angry in the Great White North and Dust my Broom both posted yesterday about a "study" by enviromental scientists in which they claim "megafauna" (ie. lions, cheetahs, elephants and camels) should be re-introduced into north america.

They call it "Pleistocene re-wilding", and claim all these animals were here during the "Pleistocene era" (between 1.8 million to about 10,000 years ago) so it is just returning them to their natural habitat.

Now, I'm no genius but isn't there a reason things go extinct? These scientist claim natural selection is natures way of evolving life, so why now do they want to reverse it? Isn't extinction fuelled by evolution (or natural selection?)

Well, I think it's alright to go ahead with this plan as long as there is no "racial profiling" of what species to bring back. If they are bringing back the "pleistocene era", I want Neanderthals to be brought back as well.

Why do I want these "Neanderthal knuckledragging cavemen throwbacks" brought back? Well, just think- a whole race of conservatives! We might even win an election!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Eugenics, Canadian Style

I watched a story on the Vancouver news (sorry, couldn't find a link) that says the overdose rate is skyrocketing since "safe injection sites" were opened in that city.

These "shooting galleries" are now being considered in other Canadian cities, after the "overwhelming success" (?) of the Vancouver facility.

There can only be one explanation - eugenics!

"As you can see from this article" says "Tom", a Canadian eugenics expert, "studies show safe injection sites are not about saving drug addicts. They are all about, according to this study, "cutting down on the number of people shooting up in public on the Downtown Eastside. As well, there were fewer discarded syringes and injection-related litter in the neighbourhood. " and making "improvements in public order" to "improve the livability of communities and benefit tourism while reducing community concerns stemming from public drug use and discarded syringes"."

"notice at the bottom of the article: "However, there have been no scientific studies to evaluate their success at heading off overdose deaths and improving public health." Why? Because the government doesn't care and in fact is encouraging drug overdoses by their policies (out of public sight, of course...). It's what eugenics is all about - getting rid of the undesirables"

Hmm...I think Tom may have a point here. Look at the Liberals position on drug laws, assisted suicide, welfare, crime, age of consent, prostitution, aborigionals, multiculturalism, etc., etc., etc...

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Proof God Created Man:

Daimnation! has a post outlining the fact that University of Chicago professor Jerry Coyne "absolutely demolishes" Intelligent Design theory.

Well, I have found absolute proof that god not only created man, but created him in his image.

The proof? Well, as can be seen from the photo of god below, god looks just like a human:

Not only that, but he is an old derelict (or possibly a hippie). The evidence also proves that god created white summer dresses (and cross-dressing), blue scarves, and maroon blankets.

Case closed.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Harper's Not Scary #13

Thursday, August 18, 2005

New Evidence Uncovered: Governor General Designate A Liberal!

It's true! Michaelle "the mole" Jean has been unmasked as a true Liberal.

Here's the evidence: in her statement

"We are equally proud of the attachment to Quebec that we have always shown beyond any partisan considerations. Let me be clear: We have never belonged to a political party or the separatist movement."

it can be observed that she lied 3 times. She not only lies to Canadians, but also to the seperatists!

Told ya. Only true Liberals are capable of lying THREE times in one sentence...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Suicide Babies?

I read with great concern a post this morning over at Angry In The Great White North. It appears Angry feels children under 12 should not be scrutinised or denied the boarding of planes, even if they are on no-fly lists!

This stems from an incident reported yesterday on CNN.

As you can plainly see from these pics, "babies" and "toddlers" do pose a clear and present danger to airline security.

Giving these "babies" and "toddlers" carte blanch to board any airplane or enter any secure facility simply because they are "under 12" is dangerous, wrong, and is called PROFILING.

We don't profile here in Canada...

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

France's Secret North American Invasion Plot - U.S. Response:

After our August 11th post regarding France's secret North American invasion plot and the announcing of the new "mole" Governor General, this blog has come to the attention of the United States, with multitudes of hits from the US government and military.

American civilian "France Defence Groups", such as "F**k France" have also disseminated this information (posted here first!).

In a new coup, this blog has discovered the US response! It appears they accidentally posted it in the comments section on the August 11th post.

Here is an excerpt:

"after the "invasion" begins to [un]fold, [I am] recommending "commonwealth" status within the U.S. (same status as Guam or Puerto Rico) for B.C., Alta, Sask, and Manitoba, or giving those provinces plus NWT option to form own country. Provinces east are put under the control of Newfoundland, which is the name of the new country. French to be supressed by any means necessary, Ottawa razed and sown with salt, country governed from St. John's. Mandatory draft for peacekeeping forces."

The east ruled by Newfoundland! I love it! "I's da by's that makes yer laws, you's da by's that follers em..."

Monday, August 15, 2005


Man on cruelty, bestiality charges over rabbit deaths

A man described as a finance industry professional appeared in an Australian court on Friday charged with animal cruelty, bestiality and drug offences after the deaths of 17 rabbits and a guinea pig.

Police said the 36-year-old man was arrested in his Sydney office at about 1 a.m. on Friday after an investigation. He was charged with 18 counts of aggravated cruelty to animals, one count of bestiality and two counts of possession of cannabis.

I can see his defence already: "But Your Honour, these animals were my clients. My clients ALWAYS get screwed..."

Update: Looks like Darcy beat me to this story. I thought I was the only one sick enough to find this amusing...

Friday, August 12, 2005

Harper's Not Scary #12

Thursday, August 11, 2005

France’s Secret North American Invasion Plot Exposed!

This secret memo was leaked to our international affairs expert "Tom" this morning. It appears France has secret plans in place to invade North America…by taking over Canada! Here’s the memo:

Top Secret

Mr. President:

Our agents have been intercepting messages from Paris indicating a plot outlining the invasion of North America.

It appears that after attaining a foothold in the northeastern part of the continent, (called "Quebec"), France has been able to infiltrate the country of "Canada" (the large country immediately to the north of us). Right under our noses, the French have been installing "puppet" (people under the control of France) Prime Ministers for the last 40 or so years.

Under the reign of these "Prime Ministers", the country of "Canada" has become "Francanised" (made French-like). They have installed "sleeper agents" (agents pretending to do the job, but waiting for orders from France) into all of the senior positions of the public service, military, and propaganda department (known as the "Canadian Broadcasting Corporation" or "CBC"), by instating an "official Bilingualism" (all applicants must be French) policy.

The France-controlled "puppet" government, AKA (also known as) the "Liberals" (no, seriously, that’s what they are called!), appear to have the majority of the "Canadian" (people of "Canada") population completely "brainwashed" (under their complete control). Anyone dissenting (refusing to go along with) from the Francanisation are ostracized (made to look like ostriches) and labeled "red neck" (i.e. Texan), "neo-con" (i.e. Republican), "Westerners" (people from the western part of "Canada"), "Neanderthal" (cave man), etc., etc.

In a final stroke before the invasion, the puppet Prime Minister has announced the new "Governor General" (the "head of state" or "big boss") is to be "Madame Jean", a French dual citizen (holds citizenship from France and Canada) from the propaganda department (CBC). This position is not only the "head of state", but also the "commander in chief" of the Canadian armed forces (like you are of the US military).

When this new "Governor General" takes power (September 27th , 2005) it is believed she will direct the Canadian military to assault the border, backed by French troops.

Recommendations: 1- Invade Afghanistan,
2- Invade Iraq,
3- Impose sanctions against Cuba

End of report.

"Everyone’s been led to believe the invasion of Iraq was for oil", says Tom, also an "Iraq invasion" expert, "but, like I’ve been saying all along, it’s due to the Canadian threat."

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Free Mark Emery Or Else...

If we don't free Mark Emery and work quickly to legalize pot, we may be in deep kaka. Don't believe me? Check out this article:

Cannabis may soothe inflamed bowels

Cannabis-based drugs could offer treatment hope to sufferers of inflammatory bowel disease, UK researchers report.
Cannabis smokers with inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) have often claimed that smoking a joint seems to lessen their symptoms. So a group of researchers from Bath University and Bristol University, both in the UK, decided to explore the clinical basis for the claims.
“There is quite a lot of anecdotal evidence that using cannabis seems to reduce the pain and frequency of Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis, so we decided to see if we could find out what was going on there,” says Karen Wright, a pharmacologist at Bath University. “Historically, it was smoked in India and China centuries ago for its gastrointestinal properties.”

We must act quickly or uncontrolled diarrhea may sweep the land, causing untold hardship on the population. This, if occurring in conjunction with a toilet paper shortage, would cause the end of life as we know it in Canada.

Please, write your local member of parliament, and help put an end to IBD.

Monday, August 08, 2005

I'm an Idiot? Who Knew...

Found this "humor test" link over at funcentral. My results (see below) say I'm "the Idiot Savant".

Now, I've been called an idiot before, but never a "savant". I guess this is french for idiot? Well, I guess it's better than plain old idiot...

the Idiot Savant

(47% dark, 60% spontaneous, 50% vulgar)

your humor style:

your opposite: The Wit

You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'.

Because it's so easily appreciated, and often wacky and physical, your sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. Most realize that there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but paradoxically enough, that indicates you're smarter than most.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 99% on dark
You scored higher than 99% on spontaneous
You scored higher than 99% on vulgar

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Spammed by God?

Now even god is spammin me. Here's what I received today:

The Archangel's Trumpet
The purpose of this story is to spread the word of the modern day Second Coming of God and the provision of the Lord.
"The Archangel's Trumpet" records what the author heard from the God and Jesus
and the all secrets of the Bible. It is proof of the second advent of Jesus and His Divine Providence.
*** Main Contents of the Book ***
[1] This land and the universe are thy Holy Body as a living thing.
Thus the eternal curse will be imposed on whom destroys this land and the universe.
"Thou shouldest destroy them which destroy the earth. [Revelations 11:18]"
[2] The creation of the world in the Genesis of the Bible was not an actual event, but the blueprint of the God for the creation of Heaven on the Earth.
[3] The Garden of Even is not a specific region, but is the company of God with Adam and Eve. It is similar to today's company of God, the Christianity.
[4] The snake that seduced Eve was not an abandoned angel, but was Adam's penis.
Also, the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was not one kind, but two kinds.
[5] The groups that make a barrier around the Tree of Life represent
the first and second advents of Jesus Christ, and the flaming sword symbolize His words during his first and second advents.
[6] Jesus Christ's cross was not a plan of God, but was caused by a mistake of St. John.
[7] The paraclete represent the One that will come in the second advent.
The One in the second advent is not Jesus, but Shaman Jung and he will come through Korea, not the land of Jews.
[8] The prophecy spread by Calvin was wrong.
[9] The idea of circulating life and rebirth on this Earth is also wrong.
[10] Not very long from now, a calamity will come to swipe out the mankind as the event of the arc or Noah.
[11] Today's idols made out of stone, wood or metal are false gods and God will punish those who serve such idols and abandon them in darkness.
[12] When Nostradamus said, "Great King of Fear will descend from Heaven," he referred to the One who will come in the second advent as the Great King of Fear.
[13] Geogamurok's "Sodumujok (a small head with no legs)" refers to males' penis and "Jahado" refers to the land in which North Korea and South Korea unify.
[14] The Final Judgment is classified into the Judgement of Words and the Judgement of Calamities.
The Judgement of Words is already in process as a reprimand and warning to those who commit sin on the Earth, and the Judgement of Calamities will emerge soon after the Judgement of Words. Those who do not repent of their sin even after the Judgement of Words will extinct for all eternity as the time of Noah and his flood. "Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. [Luke 17:26 ]"***[Peter 3:20]
[15] Those who call themselves 'Jesus' today
do not even bring the Judgements stated in the Bible [John 5:22]
and cannot eliminate the essential causes of diseases and false gods (Revelations 21:4, Joel 3:8]. So, they are all false Christs.
[16] Babylon in the Revelations of the Bible refers to all Christian sects of today.
As recorded, "the monster in the Nile [Ezekiel 29:3], the great dragon [Revelations 12:9], the morning star, son of the dawn [Isaiah 14:12], the angels who did not keep their positions [Jude 1:6, Peter 2:4]], adulteress [Proverbs 5:3], the deaf and blind [Isaiah 42:18], mute dogs[Isaiah 56:10], and unreasoning animals [Jude 1:10]" refer to all Christian leaders and clergymen in the world today.
[17] Teaching the interpretations of God's Providences in schools of theology and in churches and delivering God's messages through sermons in churches are all false acts [Jeremiah 5:27, Proverbs 5:3]. So, those who deliver such messages and others who believe such message will be abandoned in eternal darkness.
In fact, today's clergymen always say "we will be saved and be led to Heaven' during their sermons, but these are lies [Amos 9:10]. Believers in such churches [Jeremiah 25:29] will never be saved nor be led to Heaven.
Today's churches are surrounded by armies [Luke 21:20] and are filled with death [2 Kings 4:40 ]. Therefore, although it may be filled with laughter today, it will mourn and weep in the near future [Luke 6:25 ].
[18] Christians believe that they will be ascended to Heaven after the Final Judgement to be greeted by Jesus in the clouds, but it is also wrong.
Jesus only said that men will find justice and faith on the Earth [Luke 18:8].
Therefore, our believers shall come out of the false beliefs
and enter sabbaticals to participate in the new Providence of God today.
Sabbatical is relieving grudge and taking a rest.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." [Revelations 21:4]"
Therefore, those who fail to enter the sabbaticals will extinct amidst the calamities that are soon to come.
The calamities of the Final Judgement will be the worst of the worst calamities that have come and will come [ Matthew 24:21,Daniel 9:26,Daniel 12:1,Revelation 7:14]. Those who achieve the hope of sabbaticals will be able to survive it.
'I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock... [Ezekiel 34:10]'
'Then I heard another voice from heaven say:
"Come out of her, my people,
so that you will not share in her sins,
so that you will not receive any of her plagues;. [Revelations 18:4]'
'Flee from Babylon!
Run for your lives!
Do not be destroyed because of her sins.
It is time for the LORD's vengeance;
he will pay her what she deserves. [Jeremiah 51:6]'
For more information, go to( and
read the book The Archangel's Trumpet.

Riiight. (I like #13...)

Friday, August 05, 2005

Harper's Not Scary #11

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Canadian Government - Guilty Of Racial Profiling

It has come to the attention of this blog that Canada's Liberal government is guilty of practicing racial profiling.

According to, "racial profiling" means any action undertaken for reasons of safety, security or public protection that relies on stereotypes about race, color, ethnicity, ancestry, religion or place of origin, or a combination of these, rather than on reasonable suspicion, to single out an individual for greater scrutiny or different treatment.

The Liberal government has taken this one step further, using a complex profiling formula in order to draft the new Governor General.

"The algorithm they are using appears to require attention to be paid ONLY to persons who are female, non-Caucasian, non-Canadian born, from Montreal Quebec, left wing, former CBC employees" said Tom, a Governor General racial profiling expert.

"The person they targeted, Michaelle Jean, was unfairly singled out," adds Tom, "much like the present Governor General Adrienne Clarkson was. All left wing foreign born non-Caucasian female ex-CBC Montrealers should be angry about this blatant example of discrimination and should immediately march on Parliament hill to protest."

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Was Yesterdays Plane Crash a Terrorist Incident?

Were terrorists behind an Air France Airbus bursting into flames after skidding off a runway at Toronto's Pearson International Airport?

Well, check out this statement claiming full responsibility...

Official Statement in Full:

In the name of Bunkum, the merciful, the compassionate, may peace be upon the cheerful one and undaunted fighter, Prophet Cyber-Pope, God's peace be upon him.

Confusionists: Rejoice for it is time to take revenge against the Canadian government in retaliation for its support of the Belgian Infidels who refuse to hand over 800,000 Confusionists being detained in Belgian labour camps. The heroic Confusionist warriors have carried out a blessed raid in Toronto. Canada is now burning with quite a lot of fear, some terror and a little panic in its northern, southern, eastern, and western quarters - and those feelings will eventually cross over to their Belgian allies.

We repeatedly forgot to warn the Canadian Government and people, but anyway, we have carried out our blessed military raid on a French plane in Canada after our brave warriors exerted strenuous efforts over a long period of time to ensure the success of the raid.

We continue to warn the governments all the anti-Confusionist governments that they will be punished in the same way if they do not pressure the Beligian Government to meet our demands. He who warns is excused.

For the full news article (being covered up by the government and MSM of course) go to "Confusionists Claim Responsibility For Toronto Air Fire" by the Cyber-Pope

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Osama's True Identity?

Could this be true? That cable stealing bastard...

Hat tip: Young Nationalist

Monday, August 01, 2005

Tagged Again...

Well, I got tagged again by Candace over at Waking Up On Planet X . I missed her first tag ( I was side tracked by those annoying bombers ) so here goes her second:

Favorite Movies…

Teen years: I liked the first Matrix Movie. I think it was called "Bill And Ted’s Exellent Adventure".

University years: er…what years?

Pre-married life: Don’t remember too much from those years, life was a blur (well…It seemed very blurry). I think "To Kill A Mockingbird II – The Mockingbird Strikes Back" was pretty good…

Recent years: The latest "Star Wars" was OK, but WTF!?! What happened to Jar-Jar?!? And it wasn't really anti-Bush enough...

All-time favorite: I really liked "The Bourne Identity", because Jason Bourne was also Canadian!

Now, to tag three 'bout:

Musings of a chick
Thoughts on a lonely afternoon