Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween...

Trick or treat Mr. Martin!



(yeah, I know it's a bad photoshop job. I was in a rush...)

posted by alsocanadian at 12:04 PM 4 comments

Friday, October 28, 2005

Harpers Not Scary-Halloween Special

posted by alsocanadian at 1:02 PM 4 comments

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Liberals ARE Different: New Study Confirms

A new study has revealed what many of us knew all along: Liberal brains are physically different from normal human brains ( see study here ).

To make the study easier to understand, here are pictures to compare. The brain on the left (of course) is a typical Liberal brain. The brain on the right is that of a normal person.




If you carefully study both images, you can clearly see differences in the two organs.

So remember folks, temper your anger at the constant unethical actions of the Liberals...they really can't help it!

posted by alsocanadian at 12:33 PM 4 comments

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Hi - JACK!

I want a 747 fuelled and ready to go, a pilot, 4.5 billion in unmarked bills, and...oh yeah, no more private health care!


(pic)

posted by alsocanadian at 12:02 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

IAM(also)CANNUCKISTAN...

The Cannuckistan Chronicles is also Canadian. Hear him roar...

I Am Also Canadian

I don’t live in Ontario. Nor do I live in Quebec. I don’t see hockey as the lifeblood of the nation. The CBC speaks neither for nor to me. In fact, I was happy when they were on strike.

I don’t speak French nor do I wish to. When I was young and had it forced down my throat in elementary school, I resisted. When given the opportunity to make my own choice of a second language I chose anything but. I don’t regret it. I see having two different labels on all consumer products as wasteful and inflationary.

I see this forced duality as destructive. I see the results of our great "cultural mosaic"...(go see the rest here)

Rants are always welcome at alsocanadian!

posted by alsocanadian at 11:25 AM 1 comments

Monday, October 24, 2005

Liberals Find Solution to Violent Crime!!!




Due to the huge increase in gun related murder in Canada (see the latest incident here), and a looming election, the feds may actually do something about gun violence.

If they respond to this the way they have responded to other criminal problems, i.e. drugs, prostitution, pedophilia, their solution will probably go something like this:

Gun violence zone to be created in Toronto. This zone, called the OK corral, will feature free guns, ammo, and other miscellaneous weapons for "clients".

This zone will be based on the video game "Grand Theft Auto", allowing crime, auto theft, as well as the shooting, beating, and vehicular homicide of anyone "client" wishes.

"This will empower the marginalized segment of Canadian society" says a confidential Liberal source "and will allow these victimized members of non-traditional men's groups an area to feel secure and therefore increase their self esteem".

"We will simply ask all persons with alternate views of the law to practice their activities within these designated areas, and to register all the weapons of course" concludes Minister Cotler.

posted by alsocanadian at 1:16 PM 2 comments

Saturday, October 22, 2005

2005 Small Dead Blog Awards : Unofficial Results

Here are the winners of the 2005 Small Dead Blog Awards. Congratulations to all!!! (even "The Wingnuterer")

Best Canadian Blog:
  1. Angry in the Great White North
  2. Bound by Gravity
  3. Project Alberta

Best New Canadian Blog:

  1. Waking Up On Planet X
  2. Exposed Agenda
  3. mkbraaten.com
  4. Taxpayers Federation Blog

Best American Blog:

  1. Captain's Quarters
  2. Little Green Footballs
  3. Instapundit
  4. Michelle Malkin

Best New American Blog:

  1. Either Orr
  2. Western Resistance
  3. Barone Blog
  4. Wild Duck Diary

Best Blogging Tories Blog:

  1. Bound by Gravity
  2. Monte Solberg
  3. Political Staples
  4. Le Blog de Polyscopique

Most Outrageous Candian Moonbat Blog:

  1. My Blahg
  2. Small Dead Animals 2.0
  3. Here in Canuckistan
  4. Calgary Grit

Most Humorous Blog:

  1. The Wingnuterer
  2. I am (also) Canadian
  3. Relapsed Catholic
  4. Mark Steyn

Best Blog Run by a Member of the MSM:

  1. Antonia Zerbisias
  2. Michelle Malkin
  3. Paul Wells
  4. Colby Cosh

Best Hard News Blog:

  1. Angry in the Great White North
  2. PrimeMinister.ca
  3. The Belmont Club
  4. Sound Politics

Best Whistleblower Blog:

  1. Angry in the Great White North
  2. Captain's Quarters
  3. Black Rod
  4. The Radio Equalizer

Best Photoblog:

  1. Photojunkie
  2. Jackson's Junction
  3. Making Happy
  4. Grey Expectations

Best Canadian Political Blog:

  1. Sinister Thoughts
  2. Monte Solberg
  3. Civitatenis
  4. Stephen Taylor

Best American Political Blog:

  1. Captain's Quarters
  2. Instapundit
  3. Michelle Malkin
  4. The Belmont Club

Best Coverage of Iraq War by a Blog:

  1. Michael Yon
  2. Arthur Chrenkoff
  3. Iraq the Model
  4. In the Red Zone

Weirdest Canadian Blog:

  1. Buckets of Grewal
  2. Plato's Stepchild tied with Robot Guy
  3. Overheard at Western
  4. PrimeMinister.ca

Best Blog Post:

  1. Canada's Corruption Scandal Breaks Wide Open (Cptn's Quarters)
  2. Tipping Point (The Monarchist)
  3. Tribes (Eject! Eject! Eject!)

Were the Liberal Party's finances 'audited' (mkbraaten.com)

posted by alsocanadian at 12:02 PM 5 comments

Friday, October 21, 2005

Harpers Not Scary #21

posted by alsocanadian at 12:02 PM 4 comments

Thursday, October 20, 2005

"Wingnuterer" Initiates Smear Campaign!!!

It appears that "The Wingnuterer", chief rival of alsocanadian, has begun a completely unprovoked series of attack ads (seen here).

While we are disappointed, we not surprised by these "bottom of the barrel" politics from this band of extremists and fanatics.

Please, take a moment and vote for alsocanadian as the "most humorous blog". We would really hate to see Canadians not get their heating rebate cheques, and quite possibly freezing in the dark...

Oh, yeah...this pic was just discovered of The Wingnuterer and closest friend :



And by the way, about alsocanadian thinking Hillary is hot, I think it's the other way around:

posted by alsocanadian at 4:40 PM 1 comments

Election Looming - Do Your Part!

With the Small Dead Blog Award election looming (Friday midnight), we at alsocanadian would like you to consider the following facts about our main opponent "The Wingnuterer":

- If elected, they would weaken our gun laws.


pic

- The Wingnuterer wants U.S.-style health care. If Wingnuterer wins you'll have two health-care options: Be rich or don't get sick.

- The Wingnuterer says, quote, west of Winnipeg the the majority of people who support alsocanadian are dominated by people who are either recent Asian immigrants or recent migrants from Eastern Canada, people who live in ghettos and who are not integrated into Western Canadian society.

What's The Wingnuterer saying? New Canadians shouldn't be allowed to vote.

- The Wingnuterer says Albertans should, quote, build firewalls around Alberta. Their plan, written in a letter to the Premier of the province, proposes that Alberta withdraw from the Canada Pension Plan and collect its own revenue from provincial income tax.

Does this sound like someone who wants to lead a united "most humorous blog" category?

- In 2003, The Wingnuterer urged Canada to join the U.S. invasion of Iraq. He said, 'There is no doubt that Saddam Hussein operates programs to produce weapons of mass destruction.'

Oops.

If The Wingnuterer was the "most humorous blog" last year, Canadians would be in Iraq this year.

- In an interview with an American TV network, The Wingnuterer said they endorsed the war in Iraq and said they were speaking, quote, for the silent majority of Canadians. . . .

Does this sound like someone we can trust to be "the most humorous blog"?



Choose wisely. Choose alsocanadian.

And remember this: even if you think "Relapsed Catholic" should win "mont humorous blog", know that a vote for "Relapsed Catholic" is a vote for "The Wingnuterer". (and doesn't "Relapsed Catholic" sound a little religious to you? Would they respect a woman's right to choose...)

posted by alsocanadian at 12:01 PM 8 comments

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Back by Popular Demand...

CANADIAN JEDI
You Might Be A Jedi CANADIAN If...
-You are still in the queue for your cyborg hand.
-You keep voting for the evil emperor because "it's better the devil you know".
-Due to budget cuts, your army now consists of Jar Jar Binks and 3 thermal detonators.
-Chewbacca and Han Solo are legally married.
-You got arrested because you forgot to register your light saber.
-You don't have to worry about Jabba the Hut because he died of mad cow disease.
-You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with you, eh."
-You have ever used the force to influence hockey games.
-The majority of your fellow Jedi vote "dark side" (especially the Ontario and Toronto ones).
-You think the ice world of Hoth "ain't so cold".
-You can't actually use you light saber because it has to have a saber lock on it at all times and be locked inside a saber safe with the light in a separate locked receptacle.
-All your spacecraft have all been grounded due to the KYOTO agreement.
-You were refused a position on the Jedi council because weren't fluently bilingual.
-Your Ewoks build dams.
-You believe the Death Star is only destroying planets because of its history of poverty, and if you are nice to it, it will go away.
-All pod racing advertising contracts went to friends of the Emperor.
-You have used your lightsaber as a source of heat.
-You have used your lightsaber to cut the blocks of ice for your igloo.
-You have sliced open a moose to escape the harsh cold of the averageCanadian winter.
-Your lightsaber has a bottle opener on it.
-The storm troopers raiding your home and place of business wear a red serge.
- Princess Leah crossed the floor and joined the dark side.
- You decide to never use the Force in public because some people don't believe in the Force and you don't want to risk offending their unbelief.
- You cheer for the dark side in order to 'bring balance' to the Force.
- You see your role primarily as a peacekeeper between warring, morally equivalent, factions.
- You've ever picked up an OEM equivalent light saber from Canadian Tire.
- You 'pimp' your light saber with Canadian Tire chrome replacement parts.
- You find yourself succumbing to Darth Martin's jedi mind tricks ("You don't want to look into the sponsorship scandal", "I don't want to look into the sponsorship scandal"; "You don't want an election right now", "I don't want an election right now"; "Harper is scary ...").
- Your Death Star garbage ends up in Michigan.
- The Wookiees insist they are a "distinct society" and insist on forcing their impossible language on everyone else.

posted by alsocanadian at 12:00 PM 1 comments

Retraction

Page 14, Section F

In a story reported on yesterday, we mistakenly reported Stephen Harper "trains teen killers, verbally assaults CBC host". The correct headline should have been " General Reinwald trains teen killers, verbally assaults CBC host". Although we suspect Stephen Harper may be somehow connected, we cannot prove these allegations at this time.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

The MSM.

posted by alsocanadian at 10:40 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Hookers 'n' Killers

A Marine Corp's General (General Reinwald) did a radio interview the other day concerning guns and children.

Here is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and General Reinwald, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation:

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range...

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

(you imagine this occurring in Canada? I can see the headlines now: "Stephen Harper trains teen killers, verbally assaults CBC host"...)

posted by alsocanadian at 11:50 AM 6 comments

Monday, October 17, 2005

Liberal Power Strategy Uncovered!!!

How have the Liberals stayed in power for so long, impervious to scandal, corruption, mismanagement, cronyism, etc, etc., etc.? Are Canadians stupid? Apathetic? Politically simpleminded? NO!

The solution is quite simple, and probably discovered by the Liberals generations ago. Here goes:

Can you read this? - Only srmat poelpe can:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter byistlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I
awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

And here's how it applies to the Liberal strategy:

Like letters in the words, the human mind only processes the Liberal behavior as a whole, as long as the first and last parts of their term are positive!

Example:

1. Election coming: promises and bribes to Canadians.

2. Liberals elected: corruption, scandal, lies, cronyism, theft, etc., etc...

3. Election coming: promises and bribes to Canadians.

As you can see, the #2 activity of the government is irrelevant, as long as #1 and #3 are positive!

Why do you think Martin wanted to wait so long to call the election. He had to keep the right order going to ensure victory.

Thank you Cmabrigde University, your important research has freed Canadians from the yoke of Liberal tyranny which has plagued this great nation for generations...

posted by alsocanadian at 1:30 PM 2 comments

Friday, October 14, 2005

Harpers Not Scary #20

posted by alsocanadian at 12:15 PM 1 comments

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Dykes: Canada's Answer?

This blog has made another shocking discovery concerning the governing Liberals new taxation strategy:

We have just learned that the Canadian Liberal government has sent representatives to New Orleans.

Apparently, the purpose of this trip was to improve taxation efficiency by studying techniques used by the US Corps of Engineers.

The engineers drained New Orleans dry in 43 days.

No matter how hard they try, it takes the Liberals 176 days to drain Canadians dry every year.

"According to the engineers" said a government source (on condition of anonymity) "we must be more aggressive with the draining".

Ralph Goodale then said "first we need to promise not to raise taxes. We then will be re-elected, and taxes can be sufficiently raised. It's simple really."

When we asked our anonymous source if Canadians would be angry at the Liberals for lying to them, Mr. Goodale began laughing so hysterically that he could answer no more questions.

A copy of this new Liberal plan was obtained by our expert plan obtainer, "Tom", and can be seen below:

posted by alsocanadian at 11:45 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Vote For Us...Or Else!!!!

Vote for Also Canadian as most humorous and best Canadian blog at the Small Dead Blog Awards. As you can see I have 'Expertly' put the polls on the sidebar for your voting convenience.

The Rules: One vote is allowed per computer in a 24 hour period. Voting ends at midnight (Mountain Time) on Friday Oct 21/05.

AlsoCanadian has posted this public statement:
Thanks for the nomination. I knew my Liberal connections would pay off!
Everyone who votes for me gets a $250 dollar heating rebate, free daycare, and a dividend cheque (based on the performance of the economy).
And I would personally like to add:
You can't vote for the other blogs, they just aren't a credible alternative to this blog. Besides, those other blogs are just too scary!!!
Thanks for your continued support!

posted by "Expert" Tom at 12:09 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Oldies But Goodies! (# 1)

Court OKs masturbation at home

VANCOUVER - The Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that masturbating at home is not an offence, even if the activity can be seen by peeking neighbours after a BC man was charged.
John Russell, president of the B.C. Civil Liberties Association, said he was surprised the case got before the courts in the first place.
But he said he was relieved the ruling went the way it did.
"In fact, most Canadians are careful in those ways and it would appear that the poor man had just failed to take the formal precautions."

Errr...."formal" precautions? I didn't know there were "formal" precautions. Is there a government manual? Just think, all this time Canadians were masturbating on uncertain legal ground.
We might have legalized pot and gay marriage, but were still a nation of prudes.

posted by alsocanadian at 12:31 PM 0 comments

Monday, October 10, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

posted by "Expert" Tom at 9:04 AM 1 comments

Friday, October 07, 2005

Harpers Not Scary #19

posted by alsocanadian at 11:30 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I Pay Dead People...



After almost half a million dollars were paid by the feds to dead people, Prime Minister Paul Martin was asked to star in a new motion picture called the the Sixth Sense. (see poster above)

In this thriller Martin plays himself as the bumbling Prime Minister of Canada, and co-stars Bruce Willis, a psychiatrist hired to keep Martin from trying to pay dead people.

In a bizarre twist, Bruce Willis is actually dead, and receives a cheque from the PM...



C'mon Paul! You've bought off almost all of Canada, ya gotta bribe the deceased as well?

posted by alsocanadian at 10:36 AM 3 comments

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Latest Poll Results: Canadians Are Corrupt!!!

In a recent 'Expert' poll, it was found that a majority of Canadians are corrupt. From exhaustive polling over several months it seems that not only are there currently 54% of the population self-identifying as corrupt or generally dishonest, but this is a trend that seems to be increasing.

From these results, we can also see that a whopping 73% of the population is either corrupt, dishonest, misleading, wants to destroy the entire country, or are smoking large quantities of weed (this last group was not statistically significant to add to the polling data).

Please Click Image For Best Viewing Of Results.


Note: This poll is scientifically accurate to within +/- 100% 20 times out of 20.

posted by "Expert" Tom at 1:25 PM 0 comments

Monday, October 03, 2005

PMO Out of Control

Ok, Its time for something a little more serious...

It has come to my attention, through a contact of mine, that the reception for the Governor General came in at more than $500, 000. As this article states, it was the PMO who strong-armed Jean into having this lavish banquet after she had already planned a (relatively) small reception at Rideau Hall for about 100 people.

Half of a million dollars wasted at the mere whim of the Prime Minister is bad enough, but an inside source has confided to me that the Prime Minister wasn't really even that involved, it was staff at the PMO that were out of control and he failed to reign them in or have any control of them during the planning. They would constantly call to change the plans, to request hundreds of new guests, and generally run things very ad hoc on their own whims.

Apparently some Heritage Ministry Employees were working until 3:00 am in order to accommodate the ever-changing event. I'm not sure if the overtime is part of the $500, 000 price tag (and I'm sure the employees deserved it) but I think this is a very concrete example of how the Prime Minister is not in charge of even his own office, how the people around him have no appreciation for tax payers money, and how the PMO doesn't care about anything or anyone outside of the PMO, whether they are a CR4 working in a government office or the Governor General of this great nation.

This incident also highlights the growing case being made that Paul Martin is a bad manager. If he can't manage his office properly, how is he supposed to manage the entire country? I guess the way he is doing it right now, very poorly.

'Expert' Tom

posted by "Expert" Tom at 4:30 PM 2 comments

Svend n Hedy - Secret Lovers?



As you can see from this un-photoshopped pic, it appears these two have had something going on for some time...

This explains why disgraced former NDP member of parliament Svend Robinson is choosing to run in the Vancouver Centre riding against Liberal MP Hedy Fry, rather than in his old riding of Burnaby Douglas. The two will be able to see alot of each other, and whichever one wins the other can tag along for the ride!

But here's the funny part:

in April 2004, Robinson was caught stealing a $64,000 diamond engagement ring. An opinion poll was commissioned to see if the respondents vote would be influenced by the ring theft. More than half of those surveyed said the ring incident would not make a difference when it came time to voting...but get this: four per cent said it would make them more likely to vote for him!!!

Man, those Liberals have Canadians trained...

posted by alsocanadian at 12:34 PM 2 comments