Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I had my expert "Tom" try the "Quick and Dirty IQ Test" that has been very popular among bloggers. I was not surprised at the results:

Your IQ Is 500

Your Logical Intelligence is Super genius! Your Verbal Intelligence is Off the Chart! Your Mathematical Intelligence is Godlike Your General Knowledge is Highest ever seen in a human being!

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

However, I think he broke it because when I tried it the results seemed to be skewed:

Your IQ Is 14

Your Logical Intelligence is Idiotic Your Verbal Intelligence is Retard-like Your Mathematical Intelligence is Duh! Your General Knowledge is Lower than the average chimp!

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Rick Mercer To Seek Conservative Leadership?

Here's an interesting post by our friends over at Mercer-nary:

"According to the "voice of Liberals" the Liberal Underground, it's funny that mercer is a taxpayer subsidized Liberal propaganda machine:"

Rick Mercer To Seek Conservative Leadership?

June 27, 2005They say politics is a blood sport and far be it for me to argue with that theology. However, if you doubt it, just look at the recent attacks on the Conservative party of Canada, or for the matter, the direct attacks, by Canadian funny-man, and liberal blood-dog, Rick Mercer, on Stephen Harper.

Now what does this have to do with Rick Mercer and the leadership of the Conservative Party of Canada? The LU lets the cat out of the bag in an exclusive. Mercer for leader - coming to CBC this fall.

The LU has learned that Rick Mercer's next piece of comic relief will include a vow to seek the leadership of the Conservative Party of Canada.In a brilliant political move, the one-man Conservative wrecking ball intends to travel across Canada during his summer break from "Monday Report" and tour the BBQ circuit to drum up support for his bid to topple the CPC's embattled leader.

Mercer's cross country trek is set to start next month in the Yukon, while the BBQ weather is favourable. The journey is set to end sometime in August in Mercer's home province of Newfoundland and Labrador.

"Talking to Conservatives" a special "Report" is tentatively set to air on the CBC sometime in October or November, later this year.

"Do you think it's funny? You're paying for it!" says Mercer-nary.

Is it just me or does anyone else find it strange that the Liberals, in control of the country and the MSM, have to have a site called the Liberal "underground"? Maybe it was really set up by Conservatives, to make the Liberals look stupid. I mean, they can't really be that stupid, can they?

Update - Here is the Liberal Underground response

NDP Involved in Organized Crime ?

Last week the Federal New Democratic party of Canada blocked bill C-36, a bill that would make it easier to forfeit to the Crown assets from the proceeds of crime, from being passed through Parliament (see story here).

NDP justice critic Joe Comartin confirmed he informed the government Thursday his party won't join with the Liberals, Conservatives and Bloc Quebecois to give the necessary unanimous consent to push the proposed proceeds of crime bill through all stages next week.

Why would they do that?

Well, our proceeds of crime expert "Tom" thinks he knows the answer: "It's quite simple, actually. The NDP is involved in organized crime"

"They just extorted $4.6 billion dollars of payolla from Canadians. This is the biggest shakedown the country has ever seen. If this bill had passed, it would make it easier for authorities to recover that money", says Tom, "and I'm not even going to get into the drugs and union activity the NDP is involved in".

"In fact", adds Tom, "I believe there is some evidence the NDP were involved in the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa"

Mercer the Puppet

Mercer the Puppet


Does this pic say it all about Rick Mercer?

Update: for more on Mercer see Mercer-nary - Watching Rick Mercer!

Harper's Not Scary #9

Stephen Harper...

Hi-Hi...Meow-Meow...


Doesn't have two faces...
(Disclaimer : no cats were harmed during the posting of this installment)

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Vegetarians Emasculate, Inadequate, Unfruitful Paper Tigers: New Study

A new study shows women trying to conceive should consider not consuming soya for the few days around ovulation.

According to a UK researcher, a study shows a compound found in soya causes human sperm in a dish to “pop their caps” prematurely, rendering them useless.

Another team has also found that when genistein (a compound found in leguminous plants such as soya) is injected into male rats three times a week, it reduces the size of the litters they father, from about 11 pups at most to five.

Even low doses had an effect, they say. That would seem to hint that men should worry about eating soya when trying to father children.

I always thought those vegans looked like wimpy, effete, blank shooting duds (readers of this blog excluded, of course)...

They're all together ooky, The Khadr Family.

Check out Either Orr's new theme song for Canada's own al-Qaeda family... the Khadrs.

(Based on "The Addams Family" by Vic Mizzy)

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Khadr Family.
They worship old al-Qaeda,
Believe in funeral pyres,
For infidels and liars,
The Khadr Family....(go check out the rest here!)

"You Cannot Have Two Faces": Priest To PM

Our PM-one two faced dude!


According to a parish priest in Paul Martin's riding, he's doing the devil's bidding on same-sex marriage and will be ousted next election.

Father Francis Geremia told parishioners that "I pray that he (Martin) will lose his riding. Because you cannot have two faces: either you serve God or you serve the devil."

In a radio interview Monday, the prime minister explained how he can be so two-faced about his personal faith: "I'm actually a very strong Roman Catholic," he told Vancouver's CKNW radio station, "But I'm also a legislator, and I believe that clearly what I've got to do is take the widest perspective possible. And that perspective leads me to believe that the Charter of Rights . . . is a fundamental pillar of our democracy."

"Besides", he added, "I'm a Liberal, and everyone knows Liberals are all two faced. It's not just religion. We're two faced about everything. Just look at health care for example".

"Whatever" rebutted Father Geremia "You're still going to hell".

New Home For Gitmo Prisoners?

Gitmo, Jacko!


Pop icon and lover of children, Michael Jackson, has volunteered to do his part in the war on terror, and may house accused terrorists at his Neverland ranch compound.

Due to reports of prisoner abuse at Guantanamo Bay detention centre, Cuba, (Gitmo) , there is a possibility the facility may have to be shut down. These abuses include forcing prisoners to listen to music and subjecting them to air conditioning.

"I love terrorists," says Michael. "When I sleep with them it's very innocent"

"This could work out very well for US intelligence," says Tom, a terrorist torture expert. "The constant molestation by Mr. Jackson will rapidly break down the subjects, as they are extremely homophobic."

Tom adds "It's also good for Jackson, as the Judge said he is no longer allowed to molest young boys (referring to Mr. Jacksons recent child molestation trial) but he didn't say anything about terrorists...".

"And the best part", says Tom, "is that Michael Jackson torture is not prohibited by the Geneva convention!"

Oregon Cat Born With Two Faces

ROSEBURG, Ore. - A newborn kitten recently entered the world with two faces and, hopefully, at least nine lives. Gemini was born Sunday with two mouths, two tongues, two noses and four eyes. (full story here)

Canadians aren't impressed. We have been electing two faced critters up here for years...

Harper's Not Scary #8

Stephen Harper...

Exterminate!


Doesn't crush protest...

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You Might Be A Jedi CANADIAN If...(the “alsocanadian” version)

-You are still in the queue for your cyborg hand.
-You keep voting for the evil emperor because "it's better the devil you know".
-Due to budget cuts, your army now consists of Jar Jar Binks and 3 thermal detonators.
-Chewbacca and Han Solo are legally married.
-You got arrested because you forgot to register your light saber.
-You don't have to worry about Jabba the Hut because he died of mad cow disease.
-You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with you, eh."
-You have ever used the force to influence hockey games.
-The majority of your fellow Jedi vote "dark side" (especially the Ontario and Toronto ones).
-You think the ice world of Hoth "ain't so cold".
-You can't actually use you light saber because it has to have a saber lock on it at all times and be locked inside a saber safe with the light in a separate locked receptacle.
-All your spacecraft have all been grounded due to the KYOTO agreement.
-You were refused a position on the Jedi council because weren't fluently bilingual.
-Your Ewoks build dams.
-You believe the Death Star is only destroying planets because of its history of poverty, and if you are nice to it, it will go away.
-All pod racing advertising contracts went to friends of the Emperor.
-You have used your lightsaber as a source of heat.
-You have used your lightsaber to cut the blocks of ice for your igloo.
-You have sliced open a moose to escape the harsh cold of the averageCanadian winter.
-Your lightsaber has a bottle opener on it.
-The storm troopers raiding your home and place of business wear a red serge.

Feel free to add your own observations on Jedi Canadians in the comments!

You Might be a Jedi Redneck If...

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .

-You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
-You call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.
-You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
-Your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
-You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
-You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
-That "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans.
-You call your young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)"
-Your landspeeder has a gun rack.
-You have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill.
-You use Jawas for drink holders.
-You fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
-Your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
-At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
-You have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
-Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
-You jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
-You got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
-You count B.O. as a Jedi power.
-You have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
-You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
-You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
-The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
-Wookies are offended by your B.O.
-You have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish.
-You’ve got a stuffed womp rat from Begger's Canyon on your mantle.
-You’ve used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.
-You have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
-You feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
-You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
-You use your lightsaber as a bug zapper.
-You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
-You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
-You hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!"

Why is the MSM Biased in Favor of the Liberals?

Maybe because of things like this...

Canada’s Minister of Heritage Liza Frulla has announced C$100 million in additional funding for the Canadian Television Fund for the 2006/07 fiscal year.

“The Canadian Television Fund is an essential component of our broadcasting system," said Frulla.

"The CTF is the most appropriate support mechanism to ensure Canadians get what they want and deserve—high-quality, distinctively left wing socialist Liberally biased anti Conservative Canadian programming."

They Called an Election? (and forget to tell us...)

Attack attack attack attack .

Did the Liberals call an election and forget to tell us? Or, as you can see from this picture, is it just their nature...

The smell of blood...

You Call This Lucky...

Woman Wins $1M Lottery for 2nd Time in '05 :

A woman who won $1 million playing a Pennsylvania Lottery scratch-off ticket earlier this year won another million on the same game Thursday.

Donna Goeppert, 55, of Bethlehem said winning the lottery twice was pretty lucky, but that it was "nothing compared to that prime minister up there in Canader. He gets caught steallin', cheatin', lyin', and now he's on top of the polls. Talk about B.S. luck!"

Dig Your Bush Bunker, The Americans are coming!

This poll tells me one of three things:

1- polls mean nothing (notice the fine print at the bottom-margin of error 3.1%),

2- Canadians are nuts,

3- they only polled Carolin Parrish, the NDP, and terrorists living in Canada.

Do As We Say! (not as we do)

The world's finance ministers are wiping out 40 billion dollars worth of debt by the world's poorest countries, according to a deal reached by the G-8 Finance Ministers during their annual meeting in London, England.

The deal will affect 18 countries right away, with up to 20 others eligible if they meet targets for good governance and tackling corruption.

I believe the wording of the deal was - "any country caught behaving like the Canadian Liberal government will immediately be disqualified from receiving any aid or debt relief."

Tyson Quits After 6th Round

At the suggestion of his trainer Jeff Fenech, former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson quit after the sixth round in a bout with contender Kevin McBride (full story here).

When asked why he quit, Tyson replied "I guess I just wasn't hungry."

Harper's Not Scary #7

Stephen Harper...

The Mob



isn't a member of an organized crime family...

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Liberals Alter Evidence!

Bernard Shapiro, the federal "ethics" commissioner, admitted yesterday that the Liberals edited a tape which appeared to exonerate...wait one second...this just in - it was not a tape altered by the Liberals, it was actually a letter!

In today's Ottawa Citizen Jack Aubry reports that the letter Liberal MP Judy Scro presented which appeared to exonerate her of allegations she illegally secured a visa for a Romanian stripper in return for work on her election campaign was altered.

The tape (sorry, letter! Damn! Why do I keep saying tape?) had several key paragraphs and names removed.

Tom, a leading expert in letter editing, said Thursday there was a "crude" edit and something "amiss" about a section of the letter.

"Right here, we hear what sounds like an edit. We have a change in the frequency spectrum so something has changed there," said Tom, "This letter has been edited. This is not a maybe. This is not something that's unexplained. This is not, 'Oh, this is odd.' This is a definitive statement. The letter has been edited."

A similar situation happened recently when Conservative MP Gurmant Grewal was accused by the Liberals of altering evidence (see here, and here). This demonstrates the Liberals keen interest in determining the truth, so it is expected that a full investigation of the Sgro evidence tampering will be immediately conducted.

Help Wanted: Turncoats

The Liberal part of Canada is seeking qualified turncoats to defect to the Liberal caucus for use in bypassing democracy.

No experience is required, however a natural amount of treachery is desired.

successfully candidates will be required to relocate to Ottawa, and will be compensated for moving expenses.

Pay and benefits to be discussed (tape recording not permitted) and will be determinant on the candidate's experience and lack of integrity.

Special consideration will be given to gays, women, and members of a visible minority.

Cross posted to The Untrue North

I Can Retire When I Want? Honest Dalton?

liar liar


Getting rid of manditory retirement sounds like a good idea at first...till you remember who it is introducing this legislation. DALTON MCGUINTY!!!

"The province insists the law would not undermine early retirement benefits and pension plans" says Dalton.

Is that the same insistance as :

"I won't raise your taxes, but I won't cut themeither." ???

Harper Will Call Election "Within 30 days of Grewal inquiry report"

Conservative leader Stephen Harper asks Canadians for time to clean up Grewal scandal:

OTTAWA (CP) - Mr. Harper appealed directly to Canadians for a few more months in opposition Thursday, promising an election within 30 days of the final Grewal inquiry report.
His extraordinary entreaty on national television and radio was immediately dismissed as that of "a party leader playing for time, begging for another chance," by Liberal Leader Paul Martin.

Harper's pledge would see Canadians go back to the polls in January 2006, following the final recommendations from the Grewal report, Due out December 15th.

"Let the Judge do his work. Let the facts come out and then the people of Canada will have their say." said Mr. Harper.

"We've all just witnessed a sad spectacle, an opposition leader so burdened with a tape recording of our Liberal corruption that he's unable to do his job and lead the country," said Martin.

"As you can see in this post as an example, the Grewal scandal is destroying Canada" said corruption expert Tom, "and it could possibly cause a mass extinction across the whole planet."

"I suggest" adds Tom "Mr. Harper and the whole Conservative party immediately resign and be imprisioned so as to not infect anyone else with their Liberal corruption tape recordings"

Latest Internet Threat: The Book Worm

This blog is the latest to be infected with a virulent strain of worm spreading through cyberspace. The "book" worm infects the host computer and lists information regarding the users reading habits. It then replicates itself and sends 5 copies to other machines downline of the host.

It is believed the "Underground Posse of Librarian Hackers" may be responsible for this latest outbreak, and federal officials are closely watching the situation.

My computer virus expert "Tom" has quarantined the following from my harddrive:

1. How many books do you own? Answer: 1 (roomfull)

2. What is the latest book you bought? Answer: The Turkey Hunter's Almanac (hey, I got one!)

3. What is the last book you read? Answer: Duh! The last one I bought!

4. Which 5 books mean a lot to you? Answer: Well, the one below really helped with my personal issues:
.


The next one, "Clymers Skidoo snowmobile shop manual", really saved my ass last winter,

Number three, "Animal Veterinarian Medicine" saved me a hellovalota money over the years (although my dog now has two heads...)

Number four, the "US Navy SEAL Combat Manual" will come in handy in the future if I keep bloggin the way I am!

And last but not least, Homer. No other texts in the Western imagination occupy as central a position in the self-definition of Western culture as the two epic poems of Homer, the Iliad and the Odyssey . They both concern the great defining moment of Greek culture, the Trojan War. It would not be unfair to regard the Homeric poems as the single most important texts in Greek culture. While the Greeks all gained their collective identity from the Trojan War, that collective identity was concentrated in the values, ethics, and narrative of Homer's epic poems. Just as the Greeks were obsessed about the Trojan War, they were equally obsessed about the Homeric poems, returning to them over and over again, particularly in times of cultural crisis.

Oh yeah, and it's the name of my favorite Simpsons character.

5. Five downline machines: Mitchieville, the Cannuckistan Chronicles, The Maple Lounge, Lunch Pale, and The Blog Quebecois .

Hmmmm...

Are these two stories related :

Spectre of election reappears and Liberals lead Tories: poll ?????

What bout these two :

Heat and Smog Leads to Premature Deaths: Study and Feds Receive Failing Grade for Environment ?????

Just askin.

Shocking Belinda Stronach Interview

photo-archive:ottawa cougar festival

The DAVE McGRAW INTERVIEW: Belinda Stronach

Some excerpts from this revealing interview:

"I'm the Minister of Human...something or other. I don't know."

":...I really wish someone had told me that it was the Liberals that always win elections. It could have saved me and the Conservatives a whole lot of embarrassment."

"Ethics...are important, for freedom-loving peoples..."

Read the whole thing here folks!

Extreme COLD Ends Global WARMING Protest March

Greenpeace activists Lonnie Dupre and Eric Larsen were forced to quit their crossing attempt of the Arctic Ocean due to unusually COLD and ICY weather.

They were attempting the crossing to call attention to global WARMING, however extreme weather conditions forced them to abandon what would have been the first summertime crossing of the Arctic Ocean, environmental group Greenpeace said on Friday.

A statement from Greenpeace said the pair encountered "unusual" heavy snow and ice conditions, and had to be evacuated by a civilian helicopter.

Greenpeace believes the cold weather conditions were probably due to global warming.

Liberals vs Conservatives

Here is a couple a good posts on the comparisons between Liberals and Conservatives :

On the difference between a liberal and conservative

If Conservatives were dogs

All Canadians to be Converted to Homosexuality

A new study suggests about half of Canadians believe homosexuality is 'abnormal.'
The survey, conducted by a gay rights group, found 49% of respondents believe it is an abnormal condition, while 46% said it was normal.

"Results like these are the reason gay and lesbian organizations still have work to do," said Christopher DiRaddo, a spokesperson for Divers Cite, the organizer of Montreal's annual Gay Pride week and parade.
"People ask us if we really need to stage a parade anymore, and with these answers, obviously we still do," DiRaddo said.

It's not to late to turn this around. Perhaps we could do more to introduce it to younger people. Maybe we could open a "Neverland" style ranch, where we could introduce kids to homosexuality at a very young age...

"All this is unnecessary" said Tom, a homosexuality expert, "we are only a few years away from being able to alter everyone's genes to make the entire country homosexual" (see this story)

"With the entire population homosexual", he adds, "there will be no more intolerance towards gays"

Harper's Not Scary #6

Stephen Harper...


agent harpers



isn't an evil mutated self replicating virus...

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Grewal Tapes - Unedited Version

According to the Liberals, the Grewal tapes were tampered with. Allegedly words were inserted into the tape to make the Liberals appear to be offering bribes for votes to Conservative MP Gurmant Grewal.

After a thorough investigation by this blog, it would appear that the tapes WERE altered.

The following transcript, in blue, is what was claimed to be on the tape by Mr. Grewal:

(Transcripts indicate that the series of calls was initiated by Sudesh Kalia, a Liberal organizer in B.C., on Sunday, May 16. An excerpt taken directly from the website)

SK - Minister (Ujjal Dosanjh) called and asked me if I have spoken to you (GG). I said I have talked to him and explained our discussion. Looks like everything is OK and said that he (GG) should contact him (UD).
GG - Should I contact him (UD) ?
SK - Yes, he (UD) said GG should meet with him in the HOC. He (UD) will call me in the morning. He (UD) started talking with the big boss. Unless and until you sit face to face with the big boss nothing can be resolved. If promise is given face to face and I will take your (UD) promise also, if need be, I will also come and join you in the meeting. Everything looks OK, they (Liberals) are the ones who need you (GG).
GG - We will communicate further tomorrow.
In another document released on the website, a transcript alleges the following dialogue took place between Dosanjh and Grewal on Tuesday, May 17. An excerpt follows:
GG - We have to rush through because of the question period.
UD - Today, question period is at 2 p.m.
GG - Don't you have to prepare for it.
UD - No, I can just prepare in 5 minutes, in the car. I think (Belinda) has made it easier for you, if you want.
GG - That's true.
UD - In fact, cabinet can be arranged right away. For the other, you don't want to lose the advantage. If you do right away, you lose the advantage of numbers.Those are the issues.
GG - Anyway, let's talk.
UD - I talked to the PM moments ago. He said he is going to Regina right now and he said he will be happy to talk to you over the phone tonight or in person if you want to move. I think you should have through conversation with Tim.
GG - OK.
UD - Tim is the Chief of Staff, its just like talking to PM.
Another document released outlines an alleged undated conversation that took place between Dosanjh and Grewal. An excerpt follows:
UD - Tim told me to call. I think, as I said earlier, no prime minister would ever want to compromise himself with that kind of appropriate because he want to be able to say, 'I did not make a deal in it, there was no deal'. You came and we accepted you, if that happens. If you want to be able to say that honestly. That's why I was suggesting you, what I was suggesting you. That was the difficulty that Tim had. And you saw that. I think from my perspective, that's the way how my conversation went with the prime minister, when I came to the Liberals. You know we have Scott Brison, he came as a back bencher, stayed a back bencher, then he was prime minister's secretary.
GG - No, he came directly.
UD - Not to the cabinet.
GG - OK
UD - He was made parliamentary secretary.
UD - Depends … and you know that's how the deals are made. I think I just wanted to call you that to let you know
- Inaudible -
UD - Prime minister is never going to say to you that … that I never said that. Youhave to be able to say that I did not make a deal. That's very important. That's why this kinds of deals are not made in that fashion. If you think about it, if you think it is appropriate …
Another document outlines an alleged undated conversation that took place between Murphy and Grewal. An excerpt follows:
TM - It is not the only vote we may have to face that are about, my guess is when you look at issues like supplies, final votes on the budget, opposition, days, there could be as many 8 votes between now and the end of the session which could bring the government down.
GG - Right.
TM - And obviously each one of them will be a nail biter right until the end obviously the two votes that you and you wife represent are the way the house is made up now matter of loss or can matter, I mean you know, just to be honest, there are other members of your current caucus who are facing the same dilemma that you face and/or music.
GG - Quite many?
TM - Well I don't want in the same way I don't want to do anything I don't to.
GG - I know for political reasons
TM - But, you know if I am going to honour your trust I have to honour others, so I am not, I hope you don't think…
GG - No that's OK.
TM - So look, way to make it work and I think the way that allows us the freedom. As you can, just to be blunt, I think it is a bad idea truthfully to have any kind of commitment that involves an explicit trade.
(Note: transcript too lengthly to print on this blog - full version available here)

The following transcript, in red, is what is ACTUALLY on the tape :

GG - Hi, is Paul Martin there? I wan't to sell my vote, maybe for a cabnet post or...
UD - Get bent, looser! And don't call back!

It appears the remaining 3 hours and 59 minutes were digitally created in a sound studio by Mr. Grewal in an effort to make the Liberals look bad.

Canadians Illogical Trust in Liberals Exposed!

Here it is folks, the Liberals' secret weapon has been uncovered.

According to this article, scientists in Switzerland and the United States have found a hormone (oxytocin) that makes people trust you.

"We find that the administration of Oxytocin causes a substantial increase in trusting behaviour," the scientists wrote. They added a warning: "Of course, this finding could be misused to induce trusting behaviours that selfish actors subsequently exploit."

So there you have it. This hormone is obviously being released into the water supply of Canada's major cities.

According to hormone expert Tom, "This probably explains why people keep voting Liberal even in the face of overwhelming corruption and scandal."

"It would also explain why rural people don't vote Liberal," adds Tom. "They get their water from their own wells, making Liberal tampering impossible."

Star Wars : A Strategic Analisys

By guru wsam, in response to the following question :

What I'd like to know is, If Obi-wan was able to chop up Anakin because he had the "high ground" in #3, then how was he able to chop Darth Maul in half when Maul had the high ground in #1?
Answer me that!

Answer: Many strategists have assumed defence to be superior than offense. However, the battle scenes in Star Wars clearly demonstrate this is not the case.

Remember the battle in Empire Strikes Back on Hoth? The Rebels were unable to hold a prepared position, deeply fortified and armed. Against what? A mobile force with no forward base and no logistical support whatsoever. Incredible! Ridiculous! It is like he is trying to rewrite 1930's French strategic doctrine into a whole mythologized universe.

Do I even need to get into the Death Star? It is a metal Star of Death. But the Rebels overtake it. Impossible. Time and again we see the defensive failing where it should prevail. In Star Wars Lucas seems intent on throwing elementary strategic theory on its head.

As you noted with the long understood and normally considered unproblematic concept of the 'high ground'. Lucas fails to utlilize the high ground in a consistent manner. First it provides advantage, then it doesn't. Why bother having an airforce? At first glance it might seem that this represents George Lucas and Lucasfilm entering the debate on a National Missile Defence Shield. If Defence is so weak, if the high ground doesn't yield advantage, then why bother?

But it becomes unavoidable that this is what he wants you to think. You are actually being duped. Believing this is like leaving The Usual Suspects before the final denoucement. Lucas has encoded a Struassianesque system of secret knowledge into his films, which only true believers understand. Like, God is Dead, but different.

Also, through the careful use of Frued and the Oedipal Complex he spreads his message through the manipulation of the unconscious. On the deeper level, where the serious meta-analyis happens, it is obvious his arguement is actually part of an ominious neo-con, Rumsfeldian game. Stick with me. I'm going to have to go fast. It's simple propaganda, to teach this generation that the old strategic rules no longer apply. At a basic level this is nothing more than that old canard: anything is possible. Just 'use the force'? A coincidence the slogan is so close to 'Just do it'? Nike = Athena. The Offensive, you get it?

All information is relevant. I had brunch on Sunday and a kid wearing an acrylic Darth Vader mask sat at the table next to me. Then his mum made him take it off. Does that mean anything? Probably not. But when dealing with Lucas one cannot be too careful.

Then we get to the socio-scientific-military level. The movies' arguments are designed to instruct an unwitting population that the recent, much heralded, transformation of warfare is as profound as when Napoleon first concentrated masses of troops to strike a decisive blow against the Prussian crown. As profound as the invention of modern drill in the 16th Century. Lucas is doing the bidding of his masters in the Bush Administration. Obviously for when they announce the invasion of Turkey, using only a marine troop and two ambulances painted with green and red camo. Then they plan to invade Eygpt with a rubber band, three rusty salad forks Wolfowitz found at a garage sale in Baltimore and several dozen area high school students with night vision googles, but no batteries. A couple more Star Wars spin-offs and why not? We will readily accept anything. They will attempt to solve the deficit through advertising. Remember the 'Use the Force'/ 'Just do It' syntaxical conflageration? Hmmm. If Anikan can defeat a jedhi horde by staring at them really hard then why not invade Mongolia armed with only a toothpick, and backed up by three nervous file clerks suffering from chronic overbite. An acne-prone twenty-something with a sling shot and one carrier pigeon for a command post. Who can argue? At least they're trying to invade countries. What countries are you trying to invade? None. It's tricky to understand, but then when you do, it becomes obvious what Lucas is up to. He wants Canada's water. It's so obvious.

wsam